I'm excited to share an article I was interviewed for:
How Gossip Can Be Good For You (If You Do It Right) by Dinsa Sachan
It's an interesting topic, especially because when we think of the word "gossip" we think of someone talking negatively about someone else. However, this article puts a positive and creative spin on it.
An excerpt from the article:
"While people think of gossip as spiteful and unproductive, experts
believe it can have great emotional benefits. "When friends come
together, gossiping can help with bonding," explains Christine Weber,
Ph.D., a Long Island, New York-based clinical psychologist. "It forms
closer relationships with friends who share the same values, activities
and interests."
Gossip can also boost social support where you didn’t expect it, says
Nicole Zangara, a licensed clinical social worker and author of “Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.”
“When we learn information about a friend that we might not have known
because they felt ashamed to tell us themselves—for example, they were
recently diagnosed with a disease or are going through a separation—we
can then reach out and be there for them.”'
Thus, Dinsa provides some tips on how to gossip the right way, which includes being smart about who you're gossiping with, as well as knowing when not to gossip.
What are your thoughts? Are you someone who likes to gossip? Do you view gossip as a good or bad thing?
Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!
Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com
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Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Facebook and Friendship
I'm sure you've seen people post or share funny ecards from someecards.com; they can be hysterical.
Thus, I thought I'd share some about female friendship and Facebook.
Warning: you may laugh out loud.
Enjoy!
Thus, I thought I'd share some about female friendship and Facebook.
Warning: you may laugh out loud.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Mother's Day and Friendship
As you know, Mother's Day is coming up. I adore and respect my Mom and feel that as I grew older, she naturally went from being my Mom to my friend. Good job, Mom!
It's important to value your Mom, as she probably taught you a few things along the way about female friendship and the various roles women can play in our lives.
Thus, here's an article on female friendship which was written before last year's Mother's Day, but I feel it's still relevant today:
10 Reasons Women Should Value Their Female Friendships by Jennifer S. White
Below are the 10 reasons from the article:
"1. No one knows you like a girlfriend. Those embarrassing moments, those hard-to-recreate experiences of hilarity—your girlfriends know more about you than you’d like to admit to a judge and jury under oath. How special is that?
2. Only another woman can understand. There are a plethora of life occurrences that only another female will get. Don’t get me wrong, a good man will try (thanks, honey), but no matter how much effort he puts in, he cannot understand everything you go through. You know who can? Your girlfriends.
3. Wisdom. I’m also extremely fortunate to have been blessed with a wise mother. I’m aware that not everyone can say this. I know that I’m fortunate, but, let me tell you, being able to walk through life’s journey with someone who always (and I mean always) sees the pieces that I’m missing is enough to make me thank my lucky stars—and my mom.
4. Pedicures. Okay, this one might seem comparatively shallow (or at least, some of the commentors from one of my recent blogs would say this). However, there’s something purely relaxing and wonderful about sitting in a massage chair next to one of your best pals, delighting in something as basic as having pretty toes. (Yes, I’m aware that this could definitely be done with a man too, especially since one of my favorite movie scenes ever is Bernie Mac getting a pedicure in Bad Santa.) Let the negative feedback roll in, I’m sticking to my guns on this one—pedicures rock.
5. Evolution. I can see the evolution of my own self by looking at the friends I’ve chosen at various points in my life. At the same time, some of my closest female relationships have been around since I was born, or shortly after. Surely, these relationships are special and worth investing in. Likewise, rather than viewing out-grown alliances as a waste of time or something to lament, try looking at them as learning experiences and simple opportunities to see how far you’ve come.
6. Fun. There’s a reason that “girls night out” has a connotation of joie de vivre—women are a blast, plain and simple. All women every where need to have the occasional girls night out—or they should if they want more laughter and joy brought into their lives and souls.
7. Sharing. No, I’m not only referring to sharing clothing or make-up (although, truth be told, that’s great too). The stereotype that women are better communicators is not necessarily spot-on, but I really do think there is truth to the notion that women share more—and bare more—in our relationships than many of our male counterparts; and, speaking from personal experience, sharing words, thoughts and affection with my girls is enriching to my life on more levels then I can name.
8. Beauty is ageless. Cheesy, but absolutely true is that beauty is timeless. Some women actually do grow more physically beautiful as they age, but I’m not talking about this. As women grow older, there’s a certain confidence, radiance, and authentic inner light that dazzles. Wrinkles be damned, I can’t wait to get older.
9. Not all women are b*tches. Women have a bad rap as being catty and nasty to each other. Unfortunately, you’ll be able to find examples of this almost anywhere you look. Still, I think this is like most groups in life—the loudest, most annoying participants often get heard, but this doesn’t make them the majority or the most important. Without a shadow of a doubt, I know that there are women who don’t judge each other harshly, who appreciate and lift up other ladies instead of dragging them down, and who possess the sort of self-acceptance that allows them to seek out other successful women; I know this because I am one. Believe what you want, but there are plenty of women out there who adore others of their sex—and who have no desire to tear them to bits.
10. We’ll likely be around for awhile. There’s a scene in Sex and the City where it’s mentioned that female friendships are important because, in the end, it’s just us anyways. Now, I know that I need my husband to stick around forever, and I’m certainly not putting too much stock into this sad thought. Regardless, girls, try to remember that your female friendships are important to maintain. Children grow up and husbands need their own space too. Don’t be a martyr. Put energy into your friendships."
Good reasons, huh?! It's extremely important to be grateful for your friends, to acknowledge their strengths, and to realize it takes time, energy and effort to maintain a friendship...because in the end, it's all worth it.
What do you think? Do you agree with the above reasons?
For all of the Mothers out there:
It's important to value your Mom, as she probably taught you a few things along the way about female friendship and the various roles women can play in our lives.
Thus, here's an article on female friendship which was written before last year's Mother's Day, but I feel it's still relevant today:
10 Reasons Women Should Value Their Female Friendships by Jennifer S. White
Below are the 10 reasons from the article:
"1. No one knows you like a girlfriend. Those embarrassing moments, those hard-to-recreate experiences of hilarity—your girlfriends know more about you than you’d like to admit to a judge and jury under oath. How special is that?
2. Only another woman can understand. There are a plethora of life occurrences that only another female will get. Don’t get me wrong, a good man will try (thanks, honey), but no matter how much effort he puts in, he cannot understand everything you go through. You know who can? Your girlfriends.
3. Wisdom. I’m also extremely fortunate to have been blessed with a wise mother. I’m aware that not everyone can say this. I know that I’m fortunate, but, let me tell you, being able to walk through life’s journey with someone who always (and I mean always) sees the pieces that I’m missing is enough to make me thank my lucky stars—and my mom.
4. Pedicures. Okay, this one might seem comparatively shallow (or at least, some of the commentors from one of my recent blogs would say this). However, there’s something purely relaxing and wonderful about sitting in a massage chair next to one of your best pals, delighting in something as basic as having pretty toes. (Yes, I’m aware that this could definitely be done with a man too, especially since one of my favorite movie scenes ever is Bernie Mac getting a pedicure in Bad Santa.) Let the negative feedback roll in, I’m sticking to my guns on this one—pedicures rock.
5. Evolution. I can see the evolution of my own self by looking at the friends I’ve chosen at various points in my life. At the same time, some of my closest female relationships have been around since I was born, or shortly after. Surely, these relationships are special and worth investing in. Likewise, rather than viewing out-grown alliances as a waste of time or something to lament, try looking at them as learning experiences and simple opportunities to see how far you’ve come.
6. Fun. There’s a reason that “girls night out” has a connotation of joie de vivre—women are a blast, plain and simple. All women every where need to have the occasional girls night out—or they should if they want more laughter and joy brought into their lives and souls.
7. Sharing. No, I’m not only referring to sharing clothing or make-up (although, truth be told, that’s great too). The stereotype that women are better communicators is not necessarily spot-on, but I really do think there is truth to the notion that women share more—and bare more—in our relationships than many of our male counterparts; and, speaking from personal experience, sharing words, thoughts and affection with my girls is enriching to my life on more levels then I can name.
8. Beauty is ageless. Cheesy, but absolutely true is that beauty is timeless. Some women actually do grow more physically beautiful as they age, but I’m not talking about this. As women grow older, there’s a certain confidence, radiance, and authentic inner light that dazzles. Wrinkles be damned, I can’t wait to get older.
9. Not all women are b*tches. Women have a bad rap as being catty and nasty to each other. Unfortunately, you’ll be able to find examples of this almost anywhere you look. Still, I think this is like most groups in life—the loudest, most annoying participants often get heard, but this doesn’t make them the majority or the most important. Without a shadow of a doubt, I know that there are women who don’t judge each other harshly, who appreciate and lift up other ladies instead of dragging them down, and who possess the sort of self-acceptance that allows them to seek out other successful women; I know this because I am one. Believe what you want, but there are plenty of women out there who adore others of their sex—and who have no desire to tear them to bits.
10. We’ll likely be around for awhile. There’s a scene in Sex and the City where it’s mentioned that female friendships are important because, in the end, it’s just us anyways. Now, I know that I need my husband to stick around forever, and I’m certainly not putting too much stock into this sad thought. Regardless, girls, try to remember that your female friendships are important to maintain. Children grow up and husbands need their own space too. Don’t be a martyr. Put energy into your friendships."
Good reasons, huh?! It's extremely important to be grateful for your friends, to acknowledge their strengths, and to realize it takes time, energy and effort to maintain a friendship...because in the end, it's all worth it.
What do you think? Do you agree with the above reasons?
For all of the Mothers out there:
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
The Heat
There's not too many movies out there with lead female characters; so when I watched The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy (two fabulous and funny actresses), I found it to be a great movie about female friendship.
Bullock's character is an ambitious FBI agent who doesn't get along too well with her co-workers; McCarthy's character is a cop who is blunt and not very polite. The two women are extremely different and have to work together on a case. They challenge each other and get on each other's nerves, but throughout the movie, they learn to respect and even like the other's qualities. They start opening up to one another and we see a vulnerability that takes place when two women become friends. It's a fun process to watch.
There are some hilarious scenes, which makes the fast-paced movie all the more enjoyable.
Below is the trailer:
What are your thoughts about the movie?
Bullock's character is an ambitious FBI agent who doesn't get along too well with her co-workers; McCarthy's character is a cop who is blunt and not very polite. The two women are extremely different and have to work together on a case. They challenge each other and get on each other's nerves, but throughout the movie, they learn to respect and even like the other's qualities. They start opening up to one another and we see a vulnerability that takes place when two women become friends. It's a fun process to watch.
There are some hilarious scenes, which makes the fast-paced movie all the more enjoyable.
Below is the trailer:
What are your thoughts about the movie?
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Experience Life Article
I'm excited to share an article that I was interviewed for in the April 2014 issue of Experience Life:
Making Friends as an Adult by Jessie Sholl
An excerpt from the article:
"Lifelong bonds with friends are wonderful, but not always possible. Adult friendships frequently take a back seat to jobs and spouses and children. Or partnerships end, and we’re no longer comfortable in the same networks as our exes. And then there’s geography. After relocating once — or multiple times — frequent phone conversations with dear friends often dwindle into occasional Facebook posts."
It's no surprise that making friends as an adult is challenging, and can bring up many fears. Thus, below is what I contributed to the article:
"'As we get older, there can be a lot of fear around making friends,” says Nicole Zangara, a licensed clinical social worker, blogger, and author of Surviving Female Friendships. Asking a new acquaintance to coffee or lunch can make the most outgoing person feel vulnerable. Some vulnerability is required for friendship — trust and intimacy are built when we reveal ourselves, at least a little — but knowing when to open up can be tricky."
The key is to put yourself out there and not to let past painful friendship experiences and/or fear stop you from making future connections. When we let go of fear, it can allow for more opportunities.
The article also discusses expectations (which I address in my book as well):
"It’s also helpful to adjust the expectations we have of our adult friends. Not only confidantes count, says Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore. She believes that light-hearted friendships are not only not superficial, they’re necessary.
“Your friendship menu needs a range of both intimates and acquaintances,” she writes. “Think of them as concentric circles. You should have an inner ring of close friends with whom you can share and who will rally around you in an emergency. And you need an outer band of casual friends and social groups that offer companionship and a sense of belonging.'"
I agree with Marla Paul's idea of the inner and outer ring of friends. That way, you feel you have connections in all forms, and feel those connections on different levels.
All in all, it's not easy making new friends the older we get. However, it doesn't have to feel like torture. Grab one of your friends and go to a local social event or see if there's an activities group and join. There are opportunities out there; it's about being brave, putting on your big girl panties, and taking that leap. What do you have to lose?!
Making Friends as an Adult by Jessie Sholl
An excerpt from the article:
"Lifelong bonds with friends are wonderful, but not always possible. Adult friendships frequently take a back seat to jobs and spouses and children. Or partnerships end, and we’re no longer comfortable in the same networks as our exes. And then there’s geography. After relocating once — or multiple times — frequent phone conversations with dear friends often dwindle into occasional Facebook posts."
It's no surprise that making friends as an adult is challenging, and can bring up many fears. Thus, below is what I contributed to the article:
"'As we get older, there can be a lot of fear around making friends,” says Nicole Zangara, a licensed clinical social worker, blogger, and author of Surviving Female Friendships. Asking a new acquaintance to coffee or lunch can make the most outgoing person feel vulnerable. Some vulnerability is required for friendship — trust and intimacy are built when we reveal ourselves, at least a little — but knowing when to open up can be tricky."
The key is to put yourself out there and not to let past painful friendship experiences and/or fear stop you from making future connections. When we let go of fear, it can allow for more opportunities.
The article also discusses expectations (which I address in my book as well):
"It’s also helpful to adjust the expectations we have of our adult friends. Not only confidantes count, says Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore. She believes that light-hearted friendships are not only not superficial, they’re necessary.
“Your friendship menu needs a range of both intimates and acquaintances,” she writes. “Think of them as concentric circles. You should have an inner ring of close friends with whom you can share and who will rally around you in an emergency. And you need an outer band of casual friends and social groups that offer companionship and a sense of belonging.'"
I agree with Marla Paul's idea of the inner and outer ring of friends. That way, you feel you have connections in all forms, and feel those connections on different levels.
All in all, it's not easy making new friends the older we get. However, it doesn't have to feel like torture. Grab one of your friends and go to a local social event or see if there's an activities group and join. There are opportunities out there; it's about being brave, putting on your big girl panties, and taking that leap. What do you have to lose?!
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Girl Code
I came upon this interesting Q & A on Elle.com:
What is girl code, exactly?
An excerpt from the article:
"Here’s the BLC—Basic Lady Code: Never hate a woman you’ve never met, never date a friend’s ex, never reveal another female’s secret, never leave an inebriated friend alone at a bar, never invite a friend’s enemy to a party, never dine alone with a friend’s boyfriend (unless it’s his last meal and he’s being shot at dawn)."
I would agree with these rules/codes. Although, I would say the above codes are common courtesy; that's why they are "Basic Lady Code."
Thus, E. Jean has "AWC: Advanced Woman Code," which consist of:
"Never trust a girlfriend who dates a married man.
Never refuse to write a recommendation for the offspring of a friend (no matter how big an idiot the kid is).
Never steal your friend’s thunder at a dinner party—when she’s on, give her room! Pound the table! Bang your glass with a spoon! Laugh the loudest at her story!"
What are your thoughts? Do you have rules/codes that influence how you act in your friendships? Would you add or change any of E. Jean's codes?
What is girl code, exactly?
An excerpt from the article:
"Here’s the BLC—Basic Lady Code: Never hate a woman you’ve never met, never date a friend’s ex, never reveal another female’s secret, never leave an inebriated friend alone at a bar, never invite a friend’s enemy to a party, never dine alone with a friend’s boyfriend (unless it’s his last meal and he’s being shot at dawn)."
I would agree with these rules/codes. Although, I would say the above codes are common courtesy; that's why they are "Basic Lady Code."
Thus, E. Jean has "AWC: Advanced Woman Code," which consist of:
"Never trust a girlfriend who dates a married man.
Never refuse to write a recommendation for the offspring of a friend (no matter how big an idiot the kid is).
Never steal your friend’s thunder at a dinner party—when she’s on, give her room! Pound the table! Bang your glass with a spoon! Laugh the loudest at her story!"
What are your thoughts? Do you have rules/codes that influence how you act in your friendships? Would you add or change any of E. Jean's codes?
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
WebMD Article
I'm thrilled to share an article I was interviewed for in the March/April print issue of WebMD:
Get By With a Little Help From Your Friends by Colleen Oakley
You can also view it on WebMD Magazine Digital if you don't subscribe to the print magazine (scroll down to page 14 to view the article).
Enjoy!
Get By With a Little Help From Your Friends by Colleen Oakley
You can also view it on WebMD Magazine Digital if you don't subscribe to the print magazine (scroll down to page 14 to view the article).
Enjoy!
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