Here's an awkward situation: when you don't like your friend's
friends. We've all been there: we meet our BFF's friends and have this
thought: "How is she friends with these people?!" There is a mix of
emotions: shock, disappointment, and then a realization that this may
pose a difficult situation for the friendship. Uh oh!
This happened to me a few years ago; I met one of my friend's friends from her graduate program. I really
did not like them, but I had to find a way to move past those feelings
and be nice; I felt my friend deserved that from me. However, it took a
lot of super human strength not to react to certain comments these women would say,
and on top of that, not to say something to my friend. I was surprised
that my friend was hanging out with these women - not simply because
she attended class with them, but because she chose to spend time with
them outside of class. I found these women superficial and judgmental -
qualities that I didn't see in my friend. But how do you tell your
friend that? Enter ridiculously awkward and painful conversation...no
thank you!
In this situation, I'm not too sure you can say anything; it really
depends on the friendship. Unless you are 100% sure of your
friendship, your BFF could feel hurt and then be left with not
knowing how to handle social situations because if she invites her
friends, that will include these people...and now she knows how you
really feel. The friend is put in a bad spot because now that she knows
how you feel, that may limit what she plans and who she invites. Thus,
you may end up seeing her less or being invited to events less over
time. Or she may try to balance out her time and make plans to see you minus those
friends-we-shall-not-speak-of.
There's no easy way to handle this type of situation. As adults,
we try to be mature and get along with everyone, but come on, it's hard
to do! Imagine your BFF telling you she doesn't like your
school/work/gym/mommy friends...how would you react?
What's been your experience with this? Have you ever told your
friend you don't like her friends? If so, what did that conversation
look like and how did it go? Did it help or hurt the friendship?
Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!
Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com
Follow me: 
I've been in this situation, and I just bite my tongue. I try to hang out with the friend I like more one-on-one, and if it's a situation where the other lady would be there, and there wouldn't be enough to distract me, I just wouldn't go.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nicki! I agree with hanging out with the friend one-on-one.
DeleteHaha- oh boy! Luckily the vast majority of my friends have wonderful friends. I do have one friend who's friends from HS drive me insane. I used to think it was all of them, but over the years I've realized it's really only 1 or 2, and they mostly keep to themselves so I can avoid them as much as possible- thankfully!
ReplyDeleteI would probably never tell a friend this- I mean, what help would it be? haha. I think it's probably pretty obvious in my situation as I really never talk to these girls and I often say how much I like other people in her life :)
Thanks, Kelly!
DeleteBeen there! E-gads, I just politely decline if the little snot is going to be part of the gathering. That way, nobody gets hurt and I maintain a nice, healthy relationship with my real friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Monica! I like how you think :-)
Delete