Great Article That Every Woman Must Read

Below is a great and empowering article for all women.  I especially like #20 and #21 :-)

23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing by Emma Gray

What are your thoughts?  Do you do some of the these things?

Friend vs. Best Friend

I often wonder about what guidelines we use to define "friend" versus "best friend" and how easily these terms can be thrown around.  To call someone my friend, she's more of an acquaintance, and someone with whom I feel close and can trust.  To call someone my best friend, there is a more defined history and a priority put on the friendship, as well as an intense connection that usually cannot be explained through words.  However, I believe we all have our different ways of defining these terms.

 

And as we all know, friendships change over time, so our best friend may be put back in the friend category due to various circumstances (she moves and so the friendship changes or she becomes busy and get togethers seem to decrease); on the flip side, a friend may quickly become a best friend after, for example, experiencing a similar event (both getting pregnant around the same time, being in the same professional career, going to kick boxing class each week, etc.).  It's interesting to see how fluid friendships can be, and how we should learn to be grateful for those who are in our lives now versus who should be being a better friend or best friend.

 

Furthermore, at what point do we call someone our best friend?  Do we tell this person that she's now our BFF?  Do we bring her balloons and say, "Congrats, you are officially my new BFF!"  Probably not!  More than likely, we don't have this conversation because it's not done through words; it's done through quality time, connection and trust.  Same with someone who goes from being your BFF to friend status - does she get demoted?  It's funny how these things happen so often, but are not openly talked about.  Plus, for everyone, this process is different.

 

What are your thoughts?  How do you define "friend" and "best friend"?   

Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?

Ah, the conversation between two good ole friends when one asks how her jeans/dress/top/whatever piece of clothing looks on her and whether it makes her look fat.  Depending on your friendship with this person and how comfortable you feel answering such a booby-trapped kind of question, your answer may differ.  How honest can we be with our friends and what's too honest?

I once heard a story in which a woman was told she was fat, and that's why she wasn't getting any dates, by her BFF.  This woman did not ask for her BFFs thoughts on this matter, but the BFF took it upon herself to give her two cents...or maybe that would be two cents too many.  Obviously, this woman was hurt and felt put down by her BFF.  Who wouldn't in this situation?

Sometimes we don't want to know what our friend is thinking because it may upset us.  But when we ask for feedback, we have to understand that we're opening ourselves up to judgment - good or bad.  As for me, I'm not too sure how comfortable I'd feel telling my BFF that yes, she does look fat in those pair of jeans.  It sounds rude and offensive.  However, some women I know have no qualms about being brutally honest with their BFFs and that's great for them, but I just cannot go there with my besties.

Many years ago, I was asked if I liked a friend's skirt; I honestly didn't and made a comment that it wouldn't be something I'd wear but it looked good on her.  This friend felt I insulted her and stomped off into the other room.  I thought I handled the situation fairly well, but according to her, it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

If you tell your friend she looks great, she'll think you're lying; if you say she looks fat, she'll be hurt.  It's not a win-win situation regardless of what you say, so I just take the high road of squirming out of the answer.  In all seriousness, I don't want to be the type of friend who puts her friends down or makes them feel bad; I'm too sensitive to my friends' feelings, even if they want my honest opinion.  So, fellow friends, please don't ask me if your jeans make you look fat.  I'll just say they don't and leave it at that.

What do you think?  How do you handle this situation?

Flirty Friends and Boyfriends

Here's a difficult situation: you attend a party with your boyfriend and your BFF starts being flirtatious with him - for example, she compliments his oh-so dreamy ocean blue eyes or continues to make comments about how good looking he is.  Ummmmm, awkward!  This is a challenging situation because many of us would not know what to say in the moment - do you call out your BFF and tell her to back off or do you pull your boyfriend closer to you?  Probably no to both!  You may look like the crazy one.

 

When alcohol is involved, many people get touchy-feely and so it's not unusual for it to be seen as flirting.  But when it's your boyfriend and your BFF is the one telling him how amazing he looks in his new pair of jeans, that can be a bit unsettling.  If it's a good enough friend, I believe it's worthwhile to say something to her.  Maybe she was unaware that it made you uncomfortable, maybe she was nervous about meeting your boyfriend and didn't know how to act normally or maybe she had way too much to drink and doesn't even remember what she said.  Or perhaps no one has ever told her about this behavior in fear of hurting her feelings.  Lucky you if you're the first one to break the news to her!  In all seriousness, the goal is to confront her in a calm and respectful way, and to let her know how you felt regardless of her reasons; it may be a good learning experience for her.

 

This brings up a tough issue when it comes to friends and how easily jealousy can arise, especially between two female friends.  No woman wants to feel threatened when she hangs out with her boyfriend and BFF.

 

Have you experienced this situation?  If so, how did you handle it? 

The Things We Do For Our Best Friends...

When it comes to our BFFs, we go to great lengths to be there for them; we provide a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen and offer to pull back their hair when they get sick from too much alcohol.  We do these things because we care and also because they'd do the same for us...at least that's the hope!

Below is a list taken from 20 Things I'd Do for My Best Friends:

"1. Be designated driver on a girls night out because I know you need a glass of wine (or shot of vodka) more than I do -- and trust me, I need one.

2. Say, “That skirt/dress/jumpsuit makes your butt look fat,” when that skirt/dress/jumpsuit actually makes your butt look fat.

3. Explain that jumpsuits only look good on Rihanna and Rachel Zoe — and encourage you to stop wearing them.

4. Pretend I need you to fix my bra strap to save you from a tedious conversation with a boring mom at the playground or that annoying guy at Starbucks.

5. Despise someone I barely know because of something they’ve done to you, and then treat them kindly if you decide to forgive them."

Read more at the link above!

What's the craziest thing you've done for your BFF?

CultureBlaze.com

Many of you know I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook...and social media, for that matter.  I go back and forth with how helpful or how hurtful it can be, especially in how it impacts our relationships.  Thus, below is a great article to share about this very topic (and you may even recognize a familiar name in the article!).

Are You Suffering from Social Network Syndrome?

What are your thoughts about social network syndrome?  Do you feel you have a good balance with how you utilize social media?

Awkward Situations in Friendships

Here's an awkward situation: when you don't like your friend's friends.  We've all been there: we meet our BFF's friends and have this thought: "How is she friends with these people?!"  There is a mix of emotions: shock, disappointment, and then a realization that this may pose a difficult situation for the friendship.  Uh oh!

This happened to me a few years ago; I met one of my friend's friends from her graduate program.  I really did not like them, but I had to find a way to move past those feelings and be nice; I felt my friend deserved that from me.  However, it took a lot of super human strength not to react to certain comments these women would say, and on top of that, not to say something to my friend.  I was surprised that my friend was hanging out with these women - not simply because she attended class with them, but because she chose to spend time with them outside of class.  I found these women superficial and judgmental - qualities that I didn't see in my friend.  But how do you tell your friend that?  Enter ridiculously awkward and painful conversation...no thank you!

In this situation, I'm not too sure you can say anything; it really depends on the friendship.  Unless you are 100% sure of your friendship, your BFF could feel hurt and then be left with not knowing how to handle social situations because if she invites her friends, that will include these people...and now she knows how you really feel.  The friend is put in a bad spot because now that she knows how you feel, that may limit what she plans and who she invites.  Thus, you may end up seeing her less or being invited to events less over time.  Or she may try to balance out her time and make plans to see you minus those friends-we-shall-not-speak-of.

There's no easy way to handle this type of situation.  As adults, we try to be mature and get along with everyone, but come on, it's hard to do!  Imagine your BFF telling you she doesn't like your school/work/gym/mommy friends...how would you react?

What's been your experience with this?  Have you ever told your friend you don't like her friends?  If so, what did that conversation look like and how did it go?  Did it help or hurt the friendship?