Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!

Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com

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Tuesday, October 15, 2013

When Friends Set Their Single Friends Up

When you're single, you have no qualms about asking everyone you know to set you up with eligible bachelors.  (Okay, maybe you do, but I don't!)  Your hairdresser, your co-workers, your gym buddies...the list goes on and on.  You might as well send out a press release: "I AM SINGLE.  IF YOU KNOW ANY HANDSOME YOUNG MEN, CALL ME" but that may scare some people away and make you seem a little too desperate.

So when you get that call from your friend telling you she has a guy in mind, it's nerve-racking and exciting at the same time.  All sorts of thoughts go through your mind: "Will I like him?  Will he like me?  Why did my friend think we'd get along so well?  What if he's not at all my type?  What if he is my type?!"  Girl, you're lying if you say you don't think such things!

When we meet said person, and it goes well, we thank our friend and go on our merry way of dating, and wherever the road may lead.  The problem ensues when 1. the first meeting is a disaster and 2. there's a breakup. 

Situation 1: depending on the level of closeness of your friendship, you may feel somewhat awkward telling your friend that you're just not into the guy.  Or the first meeting went so terribly wrong, you don't even know where to begin.  So you may handle it by telling her that the guy was really nice, but you see the two of you being friends.  Sometimes we're more afraid of hurting our friend's feelings because she may have really thought the two of you would fall in love at first sight and start making babies.  Yes, I've heard people say that!

My advice is to be honest with your friend and thank her for the set up.  It's wonderful when friends think of us single gals.  However, it's hard to set people up and it's always a risk, so another way to handle it is to have a conversation with your friend before you meet the guy so everyone is on the same page and expectations are clear as can be.

As for situation 2: this is a tough one.  A breakup can present some tricky and uncomfortable conversations with your friend because you want to be respectful and not give TMI, yet your friend may want to know what happened.  It's up to you to share what and how much, but be warned that she's the one who set the two of you up, which means she probably talks to the guy.  This situation may shift your friendship for a while, but the hope is that it won't shatter it.  The two of you can still be friends and over time, can work through and past the breakup.  Besides, she didn't break up with the guy, you did.

Have you been in either situation?  If so, how did you manage?


  1. This post sums up my fears about setting people up haha. I know it's a nice thing to do, but I'm too scared to do it. I barely like recommending restaurants because I'm afraid someone won't like it. Lol.

  2. Lol - thanks, Kelly! It's definitely a risk, but I also think it's worth giving a try.