Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!

Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com

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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Heat

There's not too many movies out there with lead female characters; so when I watched The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy (two fabulous and funny actresses), I found it to be a great movie about female friendship.  

Bullock's character is an ambitious FBI agent who doesn't get along too well with her co-workers; McCarthy's character is a cop who is blunt and not very polite.  The two women are extremely different and have to work together on a case.  They challenge each other and get on each other's nerves, but throughout the movie, they learn to respect and even like the other's qualities.  They start opening up to one another and we see a vulnerability that takes place when two women become friends.  It's a fun process to watch.        

There are some hilarious scenes, which makes the fast-paced movie all the more enjoyable.

Below is the trailer:

What are your thoughts about the movie? 

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Experience Life Article

I'm excited to share an article that I was interviewed for in the April 2014 issue of Experience Life:
Making Friends as an Adult by Jessie Sholl

An excerpt from the article:
"Lifelong bonds with friends are wonderful, but not always possible. Adult friendships frequently take a back seat to jobs and spouses and children. Or partnerships end, and we’re no longer comfortable in the same networks as our exes. And then there’s geography. After relocating once — or multiple times — frequent phone conversations with dear friends often dwindle into occasional Facebook posts."

It's no surprise that making friends as an adult is challenging, and can bring up many fears.  Thus, below is what I contributed to the article:
"'As we get older, there can be a lot of fear around making friends,” says Nicole Zangara, a licensed clinical social worker, blogger, and author of Surviving Female Friendships. Asking a new acquaintance to coffee or lunch can make the most outgoing person feel vulnerable. Some vulnerability is required for friendship — trust and intimacy are built when we reveal ourselves, at least a little — but knowing when to open up can be tricky."

The key is to put yourself out there and not to let past painful friendship experiences and/or fear stop you from making future connections.  When we let go of fear, it can allow for more opportunities.

The article also discusses expectations (which I address in my book as well):
"It’s also helpful to adjust the expectations we have of our adult friends. Not only confidantes count, says Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore. She believes that light-hearted friendships are not only not superficial, they’re necessary.

“Your friendship menu needs a range of both intimates and acquaintances,” she writes. “Think of them as concentric circles. You should have an inner ring of close friends with whom you can share and who will rally around you in an emergency. And you need an outer band of casual friends and social groups that offer companionship and a sense of belonging.'"

I agree with Marla Paul's idea of the inner and outer ring of friends.  That way, you feel you have connections in all forms, and feel those connections on different levels.

All in all, it's not easy making new friends the older we get.  However, it doesn't have to feel like torture.  Grab one of your friends and go to a local social event or see if there's an activities group and join.  There are opportunities out there; it's about being brave, putting on your big girl panties, and taking that leap.  What do you have to lose?!