Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!
Email me: email@example.com
Follow me on Twitter: @ZangaraNicole
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
I find this topic interesting because there is a difference when it comes to having male and female friends. I often hear women discuss how they can't stand the drama of some of their female friends, and so they spend more time with their male friends. But as we all know, males can have drama too!
I also believe that when females have been hurt by other females, they may be more inclined to seek out male friendships due to past painful experiences. There is a fear of entering into another friendship that may end badly. I can understand that mentality, however, we can't let our fears get in the way of potential positive friendships.
I think there are benefits to having both male and female friends, and having a healthy balance of both.
What do you think? Do you prefer one group over the other? If so, is it because of your friendship experiences?
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
An excerpt from the article:
"For one thing, plenty of women simply don’t have the time – one of the most unrealistic elements of Sex and the City (more unrealistic than Carrie’s beautiful apartment and ridonkulous wardrobe on a writer’s salary) was the idea that four friends with busy careers, relationships, and later children, still found the time to meet up several times a week and talk on the phone several times a day. Some women find it easier to form friendships with men, and for some women, making friends, or negotiating the tricky relationship politics between women just isn’t that easy."
I agree with Rebecca and also focus on Sex and The City in my book, as I feel it creates an expectation that all women should have friends who they see and talk to almost daily. However, how realistic is that? Yes, it would be fabulous to meet up for brunch on a whim and to chat for hours on end, but in real life (you know, what you wake up to each morning?), it's just not that simple!
What do you think? Does the media (television, movies, magazines, etc.) influence how you view friendships and/or impact your expectations of your friendships?
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
However, if it's someone with whom you're not that close, what do you do? And how much is enough for someone you're not that close to? Do you spend $25 and/or get something on her registry and apologize profusely for not being able to make it (because you don't want to)? Or do you over-compensate and spend more money because you feel guilty for not going (again, because you don't want to)? Hmmmm...awkward!
This is a tough situation. A gift should be appreciated no matter what the value, right? Yes. But we all have those friends, er, acquaintances, who we're not sure what to get and/or how much to spend on them. Maybe it's your co-worker who you're not super close to, but you feel obligated to buy her something for her baby shower. Maybe it's your friend's other BFF who you can't stand but feel it would hurt your friend if you didn't attend the event. Oy! Such dilemmas we face!
It makes it difficult when you're not that close with the person who invited you; what's even worse is wondering why the person invited you in the first place. On the one hand, it was nice that you got invited, but on the other hand, does the person really think you're going to attend? The invite may have been out of common courtesy, yet it still leaves us in a precarious situation.
In all seriousness, it can get awkward when we're not that close with the person. How do you handle this situation? Do you get a gift and go to the event and/or do you kindly decline?
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
705 N 1st Street
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
An excerpt from the article:
"Just how bad are our so-called friends? Sixty-five percent of you have been stuck with a self-absorbed sidekick (easily recognized by their fondness for the words "I, me, mine") while 59 percent have been buds with one of those draining emotional vampire types.
"I recommended a woman I knew for a job and she'd come in and you'd say hello and she'd sigh and grunt and tell you she had a headache or a back ache," says Lucia Patritto, a 53-year-old educator from Ironwood, Mich. "We're a positive bunch at work, but she was like this emotional wet blanket. She wasn't just a pill; she was a suppository. You could practically hear the Debbie Downer music.'"
It's no fun being friends with someone who is negative, draining, judgmental and/or self-absorbed. It gets old very quickly. However, sometimes we find it difficult to cut ties because we feel guilty and/or we feel there's no other option. More from the article:
"Still, in all, we're a loyal bunch, with 83 percent of survey takers confessing they'd held onto a friendship longer than was healthy simply because it was hard to break up with a buddy.
"The reason it's hard to dump a toxic friend is the same reason people stay in all kinds of dysfunctional relationships," says Dr. Gail Saltz, associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian Hospital and a TODAY show contributor. "There's something in it that you find compelling or familiar. Depending on the nature of what's going on in the relationship, you may feel guilty [about breaking things off]. Or it could be that the person has implied you need them in some way — that you would be a bad person to walk away."
It's not that we have no standards at all. One in three readers say they'd call it quits with a friend who wasn't trustworthy."
If you're constantly walking away feeling worse about yourself, you may want to take a second look at this friendship and think about why you have this person in your life. You can try and have a conversation with her about your feelings or it may be simpler to cut ties if the friendship is not providing anything beneficial. The idea is to look at those around you and make sure the friendships are healthy and positive.
Have you had a toxic friendship? Did you end it? Or are you still friends with the person?
See the full article: Toxic Friends? 8 in 10 people endure poisonous pals by Diane Mapes
Also see the video: Why do women put up with toxic friends?
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
So when you get that call from your friend telling you she has a guy in mind, it's nerve-racking and exciting at the same time. All sorts of thoughts go through your mind: "Will I like him? Will he like me? Why did my friend think we'd get along so well? What if he's not at all my type? What if he is my type?!" Girl, you're lying if you say you don't think such things!
When we meet said person, and it goes well, we thank our friend and go on our merry way of dating, and wherever the road may lead. The problem ensues when 1. the first meeting is a disaster and 2. there's a breakup.
Situation 1: depending on the level of closeness of your friendship, you may feel somewhat awkward telling your friend that you're just not into the guy. Or the first meeting went so terribly wrong, you don't even know where to begin. So you may handle it by telling her that the guy was really nice, but you see the two of you being friends. Sometimes we're more afraid of hurting our friend's feelings because she may have really thought the two of you would fall in love at first sight and start making babies. Yes, I've heard people say that!
My advice is to be honest with your friend and thank her for the set up. It's wonderful when friends think of us single gals. However, it's hard to set people up and it's always a risk, so another way to handle it is to have a conversation with your friend before you meet the guy so everyone is on the same page and expectations are clear as can be.
As for situation 2: this is a tough one. A breakup can present some tricky and uncomfortable conversations with your friend because you want to be respectful and not give TMI, yet your friend may want to know what happened. It's up to you to share what and how much, but be warned that she's the one who set the two of you up, which means she probably talks to the guy. This situation may shift your friendship for a while, but the hope is that it won't shatter it. The two of you can still be friends and over time, can work through and past the breakup. Besides, she didn't break up with the guy, you did.
Have you been in either situation? If so, how did you manage?