Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!
Email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
The Top 4 Myths About Female Friendships by Rori Boyce
Movies and television shows don't exactly portray female friendships in the most realistic way, so Boyce clarifies some of these common myths. Below is an excerpt of myth #2 and #3:
"Myth #2: Being Friends Means Being in Constant Contact (Facebook Doesn't Count)
Honestly, I haven't had this kind of friendship since I was in college and it was much easier back then because we all lived in the same dorm, took the same classes, and did the same thing on Friday night. And yet, I have found myself questioning how "good" my friendships are because I don't have this kind of constant daily contact with the friends I would consider the closest.
In truth, some days I don't even have anything all that interesting to share with my husband, who lives in the same house, shares most aspects of my life, and does the same thing I do on Friday night. So the idea that I would have something meaningful to share with my friends that often seems a little silly. It is okay to have as much or as little contact as each individual friendship requires. Not talking every day or even every week is not a sign that you aren't good friends; it is a sign that you are grown women with busy lives.
Myth #3: Real Friendships are Easy to Sustain
The older I have grown, the less true this has become. There was a time that friendships just "were" and I didn't have to work too hard to make them or sustain them... it was called high school and had everything to do with proximity. But in the grown-up world, we are raising children, running errands, and hoping to find a single hour for ourselves so we can go to yoga. This leaves little time for female bonding, heartfelt chats, and girls night out.
In truth, having friends, keeping friends, and especially making new friends requires time, energy, and effort. We live in a world where meeting new people and establishing new relationships of any kind is hard work. This is why so many people have turned to online dating to find a mate. Friendships are no different than romantic relationships in this regard which is why websites geared toward helping people make friends are flourishing. Let go of the idea that "real" friendship only happens organically; it is as mythical as the idea that all you need to make a marriage work is love."
It's important to examine these myths since a lot of women put pressure on themselves for not having a gazillion friends or for not seeing their friends every week. Especially as we get older and have limited time, friendships will ebb and flow, which is not a good or bad thing...it is what it is. The more we acknowledge the reality of our friendships and let go of these unobtainable expectations, the more we appreciate the people in our life and allow the friendship to flow naturally. Furthermore, as long as we're putting ourselves out there, reaching out to our friends and investing time and energy, the friendship will maintain itself. There is no "perfect" friendship, and if we're willing and able to accept that, we'll find we are much happier in our relationships.
What do you think about the article? Do you agree with these myths?
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
6pm - 7pm Linda Smock
7pm - 8pm Nicole Zangara
8pm - 9pm To Be Announced
Lulubell Toy Bodega
128 W Main Street
Mesa, AZ 85201
Hope to see you there!
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
An excerpt from the article:
She's right. When women work together, they also succeed together. So although we love to snack on slideshows of Beyoncé and Jay Z's latest tropical vacation while we impatiently await Amal and George Clooney's impending world domination, the thought of seeing more female friendship pop in our newsfeeds should make us giddy. Celebrating friendship, rather than competition, between women will help the next generation of women embrace, rather than resent, the strong women around them. In a world still ridden with gender inequality, femships may be the game-changer we've been waiting for. Cheers a Big Mac with your bestie to that."
When we're around strong women, it encourages us to become stronger as well. We learn to work together for a common goal and to push each other to become our best selves. Behold, the femship!
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Gurwitch shares her friendship break up story, and how she learned a lot about herself through the process.
Hope you find the article as interesting as I did.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
"There are obvious signs you might be in a friendship you shouldn’t be in. Obvious signs could include that the person makes you feel bad about yourself, you’re constantly paranoid about losing the friendship, or the person blatantly uses you and may even be mean and verbally abusive towards you from time to time.
But there are subtle signs too. They don’t outwardly treat you badly, but there’s just something about the way they interact with you that makes you feel inadequate. Sometimes you decide to hide certain aspects of yourself because you’re not convinced they’ll like or accept all of you. Sometimes you’ll start compromising your values to have something in common. Sometimes you find yourself acting like the person you think they want to be friends with rather than just being the precious being you are.
Sometimes, even though you’re surrounded by “friends,” you start to feel lonely and insecure. They’re your friends, but the friendship has limits. Maybe your feelings don’t matter if they inconvenience them or if you ever share that they have hurt your feelings, they decide you’re a little too exhausting to keep around."
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Does your friendship need therapy by Anna North
We often think of couples going to counseling, not friends. This article explores why therapy may be helpful for those friendships that need an outside perspective. As a therapist myself, I think it's a great idea, as it would improve the overall quality of the friendship, including any issues with communication. If the friendship is worth saving, therapy would be a logical next step.
What do you think? Would you seek therapy with your friend?
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Mindy Kaling Is Right, Friends Are Hard to Find by Dyanne Weiss
The article asks the question that I get asked all of the time: As adults, how do we make friends?
An excerpt from the article:
"Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, has written a lot about the difficulty of making friends. She suggests that people join or form a group that at least have one common interest – e.g., the yoga class, a book group and other things that at least give one exposure to someone new. The key thing is to keep trying, do not be afraid to seek people out (and possibly get rejected), and make the effort to keep the friendship going. Some people never initiate outings, but welcome the invitation; so keep inviting.
Kaling confided to fans at the event, “The only thing I want to do in the next five years is make a new good friend.” I can relate. As we get older, it gets hard to find good friends with are just right for where your life is at are heading and, for Mindy Kaling, being in the public eye does not help."
It does take putting yourself out there to make friends. Another way I've found helpful is meeting people through your friends' friends and getting to know them. This allows your social circle to expand through your various networks of existing friends, as that is most easily accessible to you. The goal is to keep trying and to not give up.
It's also validating to know that even Mindy struggles with this. Hey, Mindy, we could be friends?!
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
10 Reasons Why Long-Distance Friendships Make For The Strongest Bonds by Kirsten Corley
What's been your experience with long-distance friendships? Do you agree with the article?
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Time: 10 am to 12 pm
You can sign up and buy tickets on Facebook or on Bonny Books.
Hope to see you there!
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Click here to listen to the audio interview
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Please check out this live, online course starting in June that helps parents who are having difficulty with their children between the ages of 11 and 18. Deborah Owen is a certified parent and life coach, who has spent thousands of hours learning the latest strategies in effective parenting, motivation, personal success, and brain science.
- Week 1: The 5 Super Simple Steps to Calm Parenting. Once you know these, you will be able to control not only your own emotions, but the situation, immediately. THIS is the key to everything!
Click on this link below to sign up:
From Sassy to Sociable
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
“The thing with friends when you get older — I mean this is not anything I haven't written about — is they can't be replaced. When you're 30, you accumulate friends and you shed friends and you get closer at certain moments to some than others. And you have a huge bench of friends. And then that's just not true.” — Salon, November 2010
Sarah Jessica Parker
"I think so much reality television — and the women that dominate culture today — are pretty unfriendly towards one another. They use language that's really objectionable and cruel and not supportive. I like to remember that Carrie and the other women in Sex and the City were really nice to each other … [Carrie] was a really good friend. That's why they can forgive those very apparent flaws and [selfishness]. She was a deeply devoted friend, and I think women really respond to that kind of connection. I think we all want it, we all work towards having it, and we're not always the very best friends we can be." —Harper’s Bazaar U.K., April 2014
"One friend with whom you have a lot in common is better than three with whom you struggle to find things to talk about. We never needed best friend gear because I guess with real friends you don’t have to make it official. It just is." —Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, September 2012
“Women understand. We may share experiences, make jokes, paint pictures, and describe humiliations that mean nothing to men, but women understand. The odd thing about these deep and personal connections of women is that they often ignore barriers of age, economics, worldly experience, race, culture — all the barriers that, in male or mixed society, had seemed so difficult to cross.” —New York Magazine, December 1971
“We had this bridal shower for my sister-in-law, and my mom made this speech, and she said, ‘I want all the girls to look around the room and, even if you don’t know each other, even if you’re just getting to know each other, or even if it’s your sister, I want you to remember one thing: trust me. Men, they come and go. They always will. Hopefully, they stay. But, it’s the girl that’s sitting next to you, or the girl that’s sitting across from you, that’s going to get you through everything.’ … That’s really important — that idea of not losing sight, no matter where you go in your life with men, because women give a lot to men. We love relationships. We thrive in them, as we should. But, sometimes, you lose sight of the girls that are there for you, all the time, which we shouldn’t hold against any of our friends. I have a girlfriend right now, who’s off and running with somebody, but we’re always there [for each other]. When she’s ready to pick up the phone and go, ‘I don’t know what to do,’ we’re all there.” —Collider, January 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
"Integrate Your Life
There seems to be an ever increasing trend of separating out the many different people in our lives. By the time we graduate from college, many of us will have college friends, high-school friends, work friends, and then our boyfriend. But it’s no wonder we can find balancing friendships stressful—we are literally juggling them, refusing to let them bump into one another. Quit the circus and let your friends mix; it makes it easier on you and gives your friends the opportunity to broaden their own circles.
CALL A HAPPY HOUR AND INVITE EVERYONE
My brother-in-law does this and I think it’s genius. Send out a Google Calendar or Facebook invite to all of your friends and then sit back and relax. Your friends will make new contacts while you touch base with a handful of your friends. If you’re sick of happy hours, try arranging a hike. Hiking provides an excellent and natural way for people to mingle; you are usually walking two-by-two, but inevitably, someone falls behind and another person moves up!
It is a shame that more people don’t regularly double date. Invite your friend and her boyfriend for dinner or even just after-dinner drinks. If your friend is single, have your boyfriend produce a single friend to bring along too. This conveniently allows you to spend time with your boyfriend and girlfriend in a natural way and provides an opportunity for your friends to get to know your boyfriend—which helps when you need a second opinion."
Would you offer any other suggestions? What works for you?
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Happy Galentine's Day! 18 Female Friendships in Music by Jeff Benjamin and Ariel LeBeau
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Social Work in the Public Eye
(Scroll down to the bottom of the page to view the article.)
If you haven't read the article it's referring to, click the link below:
Why is it difficult to make friends after 30?
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Saturday 3/7/15 from 7-8:00 am on 1510 AM WMEX RADIO Boston and 106.1 FM Newburyport
Talk With Francesca
OR after the interview airs, click on the link below to listen in if you're not in these areas:
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
The Break Up with Anything Guide by Tanya Sharma
Be a Better Long-Distance Friend by Natasha Burton
Why is it difficult to make friends after 30? by Jaci Conry
Are You Compromising Too Often In Your Friendships? by Danielle Page
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
I couldn't wait go through the book with one of my best friends, who lives in another state. I asked some silly questions and then would ask the more serious ones. By the second or third question, we were giggling like children when she would share her answers. I liked the variety and how some of the questions led to interesting discussions. I also gained more knowledge about my best friend, which I appreciated.
Old or young, this book provides an opportunity to get even closer to your BFF (yes, it's possible!) and of course, have a good time! You may find out even more juicy information about your friend and vice versa. So go ahead and invite your BFFs over, get Burton's book and be prepared to laugh...A LOT!
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Some people agree with what I wrote, such that they also could not get into the show; while others expressed reasons why they like the show.
What are your thoughts?