Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!

Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com

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Monday, January 28, 2013


As many of you know, I'm a big fan of the television show New Girl.  Last week's episode was so good I had to rewind my DVR a few times to make sure I wrote down the correct word: Pogo.  For those of you who did not watch this episode, "Pogo" is when you make fun of your friends behind their backs for something they do that bothers/frustrates/annoys you. 

The episode focused on the roommates' Pogos and what they are, such as being the know-it-all (Jess) and having gross toenails (Schmidt).  As a viewer, it was interesting to see how the characters reacted to finding out what their Pogo is and that their friends talk about it behind their backs.  It made me think of what my Pogo is - what my friends talk about behind my back that they can't stand.  Maybe it's my weird sense of humor or my need to be early to everything?  Actually, don't answer that...

I also thought about the idea behind Pogo-ing: that even our closest friends talk about us behind our backs.  I would be lying to say that this doesn't happen.  There are things our friends do or say that bother us and/or things that we don't like about our friends, yet many of us are afraid to speak up or do not want to hurt our friend's feelings.  For example, Schmidt's gross toenails - I probably would not tell my BFF if she had gross toenails.  There's being honest and then being just plain rude and insulting.

The whole idea of Pogo-ing is interesting, especially how it relates to female friendship, and how there are some things you don't talk about in front of your friends - rather, you do it behind their backs.  So horrible, but kind of true.  

What are your thoughts about this?  What's your Pogo?  What are your friends' Pogos?

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Arizona Midday Segment!

I'm thrilled to share the segment I did on Arizona Midday on January 3rd!  Enjoy!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Mean Girls

I was channel surfing one night and came across Mean Girls; I own the DVD but I found myself still wanting to watch it for the millionth time (okay, maybe it hasn't been that many but I've watched it more times than I can count).  This movie is funny, heartbreaking and painfully true when it comes to adolescent female friendships.  Mean girls do exist, and I'm sure you know a few...regardless of your age.

I have countless favorite lines from the movie, but one always sticks out:

If you're post adolescence, the hope is that you're no longer dealing with mean girls, but sadly we have interactions with them on a daily basis; perhaps you work with a mean girl or your BFF is friends with one.  It's challenging because sometimes we cannot get away from them; rather, we have to smile, be nice (even though it may feel forced and unnatural) and try to be an adult.  But let's be honest - that is hard to do! 

The goal is to confront the person in a respectful way and let her know that her behavior and actions are not appreciated.  Difficult?  Of course!  But I'd rather stand up to a mean girl because there were many times as a child and adolescent that I didn't.  Therefore, as an adult, I feel it is even more important to use my voice, especially to those life ruiners.

Do you know someone who is a "life ruiner" and/or have experienced someone like that?  If so, what happened?

Monday, January 14, 2013

Friendships That Pick Up Without a Hitch

I spent the holidays with family friends I hadn't seen in years.  As children, my parents, brothers and I would take vacations with this family who lived in another state; it was fun to share many experiences together.  I refer to the parents as my "aunt" and "uncle" and always felt close to the five siblings.  As we grew older, we drifted apart - not uncommon when everyone lives in different locations - and so I'd get updates on Facebook or from my parents as to the whereabouts and news about all of the grown children.

Therefore, when an opportunity presented itself over the holidays to celebrate one of the son's and one of the daughter's wedding engagements, I couldn't pass it up to see them.  Talk about picking up right where we left off so many years ago!  We were laughing, re-telling stories, as well as creating new memories and experiences that will, I'm sure, be told again when we're all together.  We also watched old videos of family vacations...gotta love fanny packs and clothes of the 80s!

It's these friendships that are amazing because you can't explain why or how they work - they just do.  There's a comfortable-ness (not sure that's a word, but I'll continue) and a feeling of connection that cannot be re-created in other friendships.  There's also history, which helps to move the friendships along.

I came back home with a sense of awe about these people and the positive benefits of good, healthy friendships.  Even though time will pass and we may not contact each other on a daily basis, I know these friendships are built on a solid foundation that only became stronger because of this trip.  

Have you experienced this phenomenon?  If so, how do you make sense of it?   

Monday, January 7, 2013

Holiday Gifts and Friendship

The holidays are over, which means that shopping malls are less crowded and there are no more holiday parties - phew!  Ugly sweater parties are not my cup of tea...but that's for another post.

Every year, we spend a ton of money on holiday gifts; gift giving is a holiday tradition and one that allows us to show our appreciation with (usually) material things.  Especially when it comes to our BFFs, we like to give and receive gifts to show how we feel about the friendship.

Some of you may be still going through all the gifts you received, and are deciding what to do with certain gifts that you're not too thrilled about - re-gifting, anyone?!  We've all been there: we've received a gift and even though our friend may think we'll like it, we don't.  It's awkward and sometimes you have to bite the bullet, smile and say you like it...when in fact, you don't. 

When we give someone a gift, we run the risk of the person not liking it.  And then it becomes a dilemma because no one wants to be honest - come on, do you really want to make your friend feel bad because you don't like the gift?  Then you're seen as selfish and rude.  Oy vey! 

However, some of you may feel as though you can be honest and tell your friend that you don't like the gift without causing a rift.  As for me, I'm too afraid even if I feel the friendship is secure; I'm scared of hurting the person's feelings, which would then make me feel even worse.  It's supposed to be the thought behind the gift - it's the thought that counts...right?!  So when I receive a gift I don't like, I find myself feeling more grateful for even getting a gift in the first place.  I think about how that friend put time, effort and thought into the gift, and that's what I focus on.  If I like the gift, then I consider that just fabulous!

Have you received a gift from a friend and lied about liking it?  What's the weirdest gift you've received from a friend?  What are your thoughts about holiday gift giving and friendship?

Saturday, January 5, 2013