Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!

Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com

Follow me: https://www.facebook.com/Surviving-Female-Friendships-839907162798307/?ref=hl https://twitter.com/ZangaraNicole

Monday, November 19, 2012

Will You Be My Friend?

Making friends is Tough (yes, with a capital T), especially as you get older.  Maybe you relocated for a job or moved to be closer to family and find it difficult to create your social network.  As we age, there are not as many social opportunities there once was - like those organized events in high school, college and/or graduate school which provide access to meeting people - and so it becomes more challenging to make new friends without it being forced or awkward.  It's important to "get out there" - but how?!

I've been asked this question - and have asked it myself many, many times - because it's not like you can walk into the grocery store and start asking people if they will be your friend.  They may run away from you or tell you to go to your nearest emergency room.

A common emotion that tends to get in the way of putting yourself out there is fear – there’s always a possibility of being rejected or not getting the response you'd hoped for – but if you don't try, then how do you expect things to change?

I believe it's about creating opportunities out of what you have and already do in your day to day life.  I completely understand that it can be daunting, but when you put yourself out there and get back positive results, it can be rewarding and provide reinforcement to continue this behavior.  Therefore, I have found that you have to put yourself out there in small and realistic ways.  For example, you attend a gym and start striking up conversations with other gym-goers.  It wouldn't be so weird or awkward to ask if they wanted to go out for coffee or grab a bite to eat after a workout.  Or maybe, suggest that you all go for a walk or hike outside of the gym.  Over time, these activities bond you, and hopefully a friendship develops.

Have you had an experience where you put yourself out there and created a friendship out of interesting circumstances?  Think about how you met some of your current friends – was it through a spontaneous interaction or through an organized event?


  1. I am pretty boring with friends- mostly I still hang out with friends from high school, college and my current job that I've had for 7 years now, so I've made some good friends there. However, one cool way I have made friends is through blogging. I have good friends in different cities now and many of them I have met in person- I even attended a wedding this summer in Vancouver for a friend I met through blogging. That has been a cool way for me to expand my social circle out of the Boston area. I know some people who write blogs do meet ups and stuff in their current area so that could be a cool way to meet people, even if you are just a blog reader and comment on other people's blogs.

  2. I read this post with interest, and began pondering how I've made some great friends. The most wonderful and magical friendships I've made have been when I've volunteered and "put myself out there" to help someone else.

    Although I've never volunteered for that reason (getting something in return), the end result was finding like-minded people with similar interests and passions. What could be better? Not only did I help someone else somewhere, I ended up with some fantastic friends as a bonus. Karma, indeed.

  3. I am the kind of individual who seizes the moment. There are windows of opportunity that many people let slide. I was recently on a plane for 5 hours. I took my seat and there was a woman who I immediately felt a connection with. I decided to embrace the moment. We started to talk and before we knew it, the plane ride was over. We learned that we had a lot in common. She has a set of twins as I do down to the unusual way we met our husbands. She is truly a woman I could see having a special relationship with. This would not have happened had I not taken the risk.