One of my best friends emailed me a few days ago; she was struggling
with one of her friends and shared her thoughts and feelings about
what was going on. What she wrote A. impressed me and B. got me
thinking a lot about time and friendship, and how we manage both in our
busy lives. Thus, below is what my friend wrote to me. We shall call
her Watson; she's just cool like that.
Time. Time is a constant in all of our lives and has become
either an excuse or answer to things working or not working out.
Whether it is work deadlines, applying for a job, when to take your
medication, when to get your oil changed, paying bills or when to have a
baby, these are all questions of time and also making time to get these
accomplished.
Lately, this has been appearing in my life more frequently, as I
have gotten married and my friends have either started relationships,
gotten married, or are dealing with daily life. All of these things
take time. I just wonder: when did we start using the excuse of time as
an answer for not being a good friend, parent, partner, sister,
brother, mother, daughter? Should this be a legitimate reason for not
being the best of all of those things? Or making just a couple of those
things a priority?
Just the other day I realized that my friend Eliza (who I thought
was a good, trustworthy friend) used the "time" excuse for not being a
good friend. "I have been trying to manage my life better and be there
for my friends who live all over the place," she said. Yet, she still
manages to find the time to post on Facebook, continue her postings on
her blog, have a busy job, live with her boyfriend...and they just
recently got a dog. In some ways, I wish she just would have used time
as the answer, even if at the moment it stung, she could have just said,
"I can't be the friend you need me to be right now; I just don't have
the time." It sounds cruel when I say it out loud but at least I would
have an answer and not be strung along or hurt by the excuses that keep
coming my way.
Is this unreasonable? Are my expectations too high? Do I have too much time on my hands?
Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!
Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com
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Very interesting post and question. I think this depends on the situation and how much of a not so great friend the girl was being. I think that sometimes when I'm super tired from a day of work, writing a blog post or posting on fb is more calming and relaxing to me than calling someone. I suppose you could argue I could be emailing a friend to keep in touch... Which is true. I don't think I'm the best friend all the time, I try to be but there are definitely ways I could be better. With some friends I think by now we have an understanding that we don't have to talk weekly and things will still be fine when we make time to see each other, I always prioritize being their for big events birthdays, weddings, housewarming parties etc. I always check in during rough times. I could probably be a better friend if I cut down on number of friends but I find thai hard too haha. Definitely an interesting post Nicole!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kelly! My friend, Watson, definitely brings up some good points.
ReplyDelete