Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!

Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com

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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?

Ah, the conversation between two good ole friends when one asks how her jeans/dress/top/whatever piece of clothing looks on her and whether it makes her look fat.  Depending on your friendship with this person and how comfortable you feel answering such a booby-trapped kind of question, your answer may differ.  How honest can we be with our friends and what's too honest?

I once heard a story in which a woman was told she was fat, and that's why she wasn't getting any dates, by her BFF.  This woman did not ask for her BFFs thoughts on this matter, but the BFF took it upon herself to give her two cents...or maybe that would be two cents too many.  Obviously, this woman was hurt and felt put down by her BFF.  Who wouldn't in this situation?

Sometimes we don't want to know what our friend is thinking because it may upset us.  But when we ask for feedback, we have to understand that we're opening ourselves up to judgment - good or bad.  As for me, I'm not too sure how comfortable I'd feel telling my BFF that yes, she does look fat in those pair of jeans.  It sounds rude and offensive.  However, some women I know have no qualms about being brutally honest with their BFFs and that's great for them, but I just cannot go there with my besties.

Many years ago, I was asked if I liked a friend's skirt; I honestly didn't and made a comment that it wouldn't be something I'd wear but it looked good on her.  This friend felt I insulted her and stomped off into the other room.  I thought I handled the situation fairly well, but according to her, it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

If you tell your friend she looks great, she'll think you're lying; if you say she looks fat, she'll be hurt.  It's not a win-win situation regardless of what you say, so I just take the high road of squirming out of the answer.  In all seriousness, I don't want to be the type of friend who puts her friends down or makes them feel bad; I'm too sensitive to my friends' feelings, even if they want my honest opinion.  So, fellow friends, please don't ask me if your jeans make you look fat.  I'll just say they don't and leave it at that.

What do you think?  How do you handle this situation?

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