Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!

Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com

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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Friend vs. Best Friend

I often wonder about what guidelines we use to define "friend" versus "best friend" and how easily these terms can be thrown around.  To call someone my friend, she's more of an acquaintance, and someone with whom I feel close and can trust.  To call someone my best friend, there is a more defined history and a priority put on the friendship, as well as an intense connection that usually cannot be explained through words.  However, I believe we all have our different ways of defining these terms.
And as we all know, friendships change over time, so our best friend may be put back in the friend category due to various circumstances (she moves and so the friendship changes or she becomes busy and get togethers seem to decrease); on the flip side, a friend may quickly become a best friend after, for example, experiencing a similar event (both getting pregnant around the same time, being in the same professional career, going to kick boxing class each week, etc.).  It's interesting to see how fluid friendships can be, and how we should learn to be grateful for those who are in our lives now versus who should be being a better friend or best friend.
Furthermore, at what point do we call someone our best friend?  Do we tell this person that she's now our BFF?  Do we bring her balloons and say, "Congrats, you are officially my new BFF!"  Probably not!  More than likely, we don't have this conversation because it's not done through words; it's done through quality time, connection and trust.  Same with someone who goes from being your BFF to friend status - does she get demoted?  It's funny how these things happen so often, but are not openly talked about.  Plus, for everyone, this process is different.
What are your thoughts?  How do you define "friend" and "best friend"?   


  1. Haha, I need to get myself some BFF balloons :)
    As you said, I don't tend to label my friends and people can move around a bit. I have one solid best friend, she's been my best friend for probably 9 or 10 years now...but I have a few other best friends that have been mostly consistent as well. I even have some more recent best friends, one or two that again I wouldn't call that but I spend a lot of time with them and tell them a lot- so i guess thats part of how I define it, what I'm willing to tell :)

  2. I really liked this post, Nicole! I am not really into labels, but I would say you know who your best friend is if you would feature her as Maid of Honor at your wedding. But then, like you said, friendships are constantly changing, and some women might make their sister their Maid of Honor...I tend to say, "So and so is ONE OF my best friends," and I base the term "best friend" based on time spent together, how much of each other's lives you know and how often you talk to each other. Great thought-provoking post, as always! I love your blog! :-), Nicki

    1. Thanks, Nicki! I agree with what you wrote and how you define "best friend". :-)