If you're in the Phoenix area, please come to First Friday (11/1) at Squash Blossom. I'll be among other local authors selling and signing books! The event will be from 6:30 to 9:30 pm. Hope to see you there!
Squash Blossom
705 N 1st Street
Phoenix, AZ
85004
Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!
Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com
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Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Toxic Friends
Do you have a toxic friend? A survey conducted by TODAY.com and Self Magazine found that 84% of women have had a toxic friendship.
An excerpt from the article:
"Just how bad are our so-called friends? Sixty-five percent of you have been stuck with a self-absorbed sidekick (easily recognized by their fondness for the words "I, me, mine") while 59 percent have been buds with one of those draining emotional vampire types.
"I recommended a woman I knew for a job and she'd come in and you'd say hello and she'd sigh and grunt and tell you she had a headache or a back ache," says Lucia Patritto, a 53-year-old educator from Ironwood, Mich. "We're a positive bunch at work, but she was like this emotional wet blanket. She wasn't just a pill; she was a suppository. You could practically hear the Debbie Downer music.'"
It's no fun being friends with someone who is negative, draining, judgmental and/or self-absorbed. It gets old very quickly. However, sometimes we find it difficult to cut ties because we feel guilty and/or we feel there's no other option. More from the article:
"Still, in all, we're a loyal bunch, with 83 percent of survey takers confessing they'd held onto a friendship longer than was healthy simply because it was hard to break up with a buddy.
"The reason it's hard to dump a toxic friend is the same reason people stay in all kinds of dysfunctional relationships," says Dr. Gail Saltz, associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian Hospital and a TODAY show contributor. "There's something in it that you find compelling or familiar. Depending on the nature of what's going on in the relationship, you may feel guilty [about breaking things off]. Or it could be that the person has implied you need them in some way — that you would be a bad person to walk away."
It's not that we have no standards at all. One in three readers say they'd call it quits with a friend who wasn't trustworthy."
If you're constantly walking away feeling worse about yourself, you may want to take a second look at this friendship and think about why you have this person in your life. You can try and have a conversation with her about your feelings or it may be simpler to cut ties if the friendship is not providing anything beneficial. The idea is to look at those around you and make sure the friendships are healthy and positive.
Have you had a toxic friendship? Did you end it? Or are you still friends with the person?
See the full article: Toxic Friends? 8 in 10 people endure poisonous pals by Diane Mapes
Also see the video: Why do women put up with toxic friends?
An excerpt from the article:
"Just how bad are our so-called friends? Sixty-five percent of you have been stuck with a self-absorbed sidekick (easily recognized by their fondness for the words "I, me, mine") while 59 percent have been buds with one of those draining emotional vampire types.
"I recommended a woman I knew for a job and she'd come in and you'd say hello and she'd sigh and grunt and tell you she had a headache or a back ache," says Lucia Patritto, a 53-year-old educator from Ironwood, Mich. "We're a positive bunch at work, but she was like this emotional wet blanket. She wasn't just a pill; she was a suppository. You could practically hear the Debbie Downer music.'"
It's no fun being friends with someone who is negative, draining, judgmental and/or self-absorbed. It gets old very quickly. However, sometimes we find it difficult to cut ties because we feel guilty and/or we feel there's no other option. More from the article:
"Still, in all, we're a loyal bunch, with 83 percent of survey takers confessing they'd held onto a friendship longer than was healthy simply because it was hard to break up with a buddy.
"The reason it's hard to dump a toxic friend is the same reason people stay in all kinds of dysfunctional relationships," says Dr. Gail Saltz, associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian Hospital and a TODAY show contributor. "There's something in it that you find compelling or familiar. Depending on the nature of what's going on in the relationship, you may feel guilty [about breaking things off]. Or it could be that the person has implied you need them in some way — that you would be a bad person to walk away."
It's not that we have no standards at all. One in three readers say they'd call it quits with a friend who wasn't trustworthy."
If you're constantly walking away feeling worse about yourself, you may want to take a second look at this friendship and think about why you have this person in your life. You can try and have a conversation with her about your feelings or it may be simpler to cut ties if the friendship is not providing anything beneficial. The idea is to look at those around you and make sure the friendships are healthy and positive.
Have you had a toxic friendship? Did you end it? Or are you still friends with the person?
See the full article: Toxic Friends? 8 in 10 people endure poisonous pals by Diane Mapes
Also see the video: Why do women put up with toxic friends?
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
When Friends Set Their Single Friends Up
When you're single, you have no qualms about asking everyone you
know to set you up with eligible bachelors. (Okay, maybe you do, but I
don't!) Your hairdresser, your co-workers, your gym buddies...the list
goes on and on. You might as well send out a press release: "I AM
SINGLE. IF YOU KNOW ANY HANDSOME YOUNG MEN, CALL ME" but that may scare
some people away and make you seem a little too desperate.
So when you get that call from your friend telling you she has a guy in mind, it's nerve-racking and exciting at the same time. All sorts of thoughts go through your mind: "Will I like him? Will he like me? Why did my friend think we'd get along so well? What if he's not at all my type? What if he is my type?!" Girl, you're lying if you say you don't think such things!
When we meet said person, and it goes well, we thank our friend and go on our merry way of dating, and wherever the road may lead. The problem ensues when 1. the first meeting is a disaster and 2. there's a breakup.
So when you get that call from your friend telling you she has a guy in mind, it's nerve-racking and exciting at the same time. All sorts of thoughts go through your mind: "Will I like him? Will he like me? Why did my friend think we'd get along so well? What if he's not at all my type? What if he is my type?!" Girl, you're lying if you say you don't think such things!
When we meet said person, and it goes well, we thank our friend and go on our merry way of dating, and wherever the road may lead. The problem ensues when 1. the first meeting is a disaster and 2. there's a breakup.
Situation 1: depending on the level of closeness of your friendship, you may feel somewhat awkward telling your friend that you're just not into the guy. Or the first meeting went so terribly wrong, you don't even know where to begin. So you may handle it by telling her that the guy was really nice, but you see the two of you being friends. Sometimes we're more afraid of hurting our friend's feelings because she may have really thought the two of you would fall in love at first sight and start making babies. Yes, I've heard people say that!
My advice is to be honest with your friend and thank her for the set up. It's wonderful when friends think of us single gals. However, it's hard to set people up and it's always a risk, so another way to handle it is to have a conversation with your friend before you meet the guy so everyone is on the same page and expectations are clear as can be.
As for situation 2: this is a tough one. A breakup can present some tricky and uncomfortable conversations with your friend because you want to be respectful and not give TMI, yet your friend may want to know what happened. It's up to you to share what and how much, but be warned that she's the one who set the two of you up, which means she probably talks to the guy. This situation may shift your friendship for a while, but the hope is that it won't shatter it. The two of you can still be friends and over time, can work through and past the breakup. Besides, she didn't break up with the guy, you did.
Have you been in either situation? If so, how did you manage?
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Boston Globe Article
If you haven't checked out this article, please do!
Friends don't let friends miss 'Breaking Bad' by Beth Teitell
Do you encourage your friends to watch your favorite TV shows? If your friend doesn't watch or like a favorite show of yours, does it bother you? Have you ever started watching a show because a friend recommended it to you?
Friends don't let friends miss 'Breaking Bad' by Beth Teitell
Do you encourage your friends to watch your favorite TV shows? If your friend doesn't watch or like a favorite show of yours, does it bother you? Have you ever started watching a show because a friend recommended it to you?
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
GRRL FEST 2013
If you're in the Phoenix area on October 12th, please come to this event! I'll be selling and signing books; hope to see you there!
"GRRL FEST is a festival that incorporates music, food, art, dance and spoken word to prevent violence against women and children through education and art. Our goal is to change peer culture in order to prevent increasing violence against women and girls through education, entertainment and positive representation of women."
For more information and details, please click on the link below:
GRRL FEST 2013
"GRRL FEST is a festival that incorporates music, food, art, dance and spoken word to prevent violence against women and children through education and art. Our goal is to change peer culture in order to prevent increasing violence against women and girls through education, entertainment and positive representation of women."
For more information and details, please click on the link below:
GRRL FEST 2013
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