Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!

Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com

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Monday, September 24, 2012

A Lesson I Have Learned About Friendship

I want to share something I have learned throughout my 29 years of friendship experiences: If I am working harder at the friendship than my friend is, the friendship either needs to be re-evaluated or it’s time to put that friend in a different category.  Or rather, the friend needs to be put in the back row (from the poem I include in the book titled Everyone Can’t Be in Your Front Row). 

Harsh?  Maybe.  But how many of you feel as though you’re putting in more effort than your friend is and it just doesn’t seem worthwhile to continue this unhealthy dynamic?  I believe this is a different conversation than the topic on expectations and understanding that not all of your friends can meet all of your needs (as I address in the book).  This topic is more about you feeling as though the friendship is unequal, and becomes more difficult to maintain if you’re not the one reaching out or initiating plans.  It can become exhausting and not at all what a healthy friendship is supposed to look and feel like for anyone.  We all go through ups and downs, and so do our friendships; however, no one should feel she’s working harder than her friend.  Friendship isn’t a job, so it shouldn’t feel like one! 

Have you learned this lesson – if yes, how so?  Or do you simply put this friend in a different category and move on? 

1 comment:

  1. This has definitely happened to me, and I tend to just slowly stop putting in as much effort anymore myself. I usually don't sit down and decide it, it just kind of happens. Sometimes the other person steps up and sometimes they don't. I do think this is harder in adult life though because sometimes someone does not mean to put in no effort people are just crazy busy with life :)