The Value of Your Words

We've all been there: a friend tells us she will do something, and then she doesn't follow through.  On the one hand, I completely understand; we say we'll do something and then we forget or just can't seem to find the time to do what we said.  On the other hand, I'm going to be honest and say that sometimes it bothers me.  Whew - I said it!

What gets me into trouble is that if you tell me you're going to do something, I believe you.  For example, if we're talking on the phone and you tell me that you're getting another call and you'll call back, I believe you.  Or if you say you'll meet me for coffee at 3 pm, I assume we will see each other then.  I find the value of words to be extremely important, so when I tell someone I'm going to do something, I will try everything in my power to do so.  Maybe I'm weird (don't answer that) or invest too much in what people say.  Who knows, but promises hold meaning.  In my mind, why would someone promise or commit to something that she has no intention on fulfilling?  I have a hard time accepting false promises, especially in my friendships.

Which brings me to my next point about people who are considered "flaky" and seem to have a difficult time following through on what they say.  I have a challenging time being friends with someone like that.  Even though she may be the sweetest gal on the earth, if she can't commit to her word, it's frustrating and can lead to feeling disappointed over and over again.

It's important to have patience with your friends and be aware of your expectations, but it's also important to feel as if your friends are respecting you.  It's a fine line.

Have you experienced this in your friendships?  If so, how do you manage it?  Am I being too harsh?

Mistresses

Summer television is not all that exciting - unless you enjoy reality TV, you're in another category - so I tend to watch shows that look semi-interesting and then decide whether or not to stick with the season. 

One of which, Mistresses (ABC, Mondays), is about four women and their complicated lives: in a nutshell, each woman is dealing with her own issues, such as infertility, love and sexuality, to name a few.  The concept of the show is also about cheating and how that impacts these women, their families and their relationships.  In last week's episode, one of the characters shares with her friend that she cheated on her husband and the friend has no sorry feelings.  This scenario made me think about my own friends and how I'd react if they were married, cheated on their spouse, and then shared it with me in confidence.  Would I think differently of my friend?

We want to be there for our BFFs, but they may make a decision (like cheating) that rocks our own views/morals/feelings.  Depending on your experience with cheating - say your boyfriend of five years cheated on you or your parents divorced due to an unfaithful parent - you may not be cool with your friend's actions.  Would it break the friendship or cause awkwardness or tension between you two?

Have you been in this situation - either you told your friend that you cheated OR your friend told you that she cheated?  How did you react?  Did it change the friendship? 

I'm actually quite curious to know your views, so please feel free to share them - you can comment anonymously if that makes you feel better! 

Money and Friendship

I write about this topic in my book; money is a touchy subject - that's a fact.  I often hear women complain about birthday dinners or other types of events when everyone "goes in" and ends up paying for alcohol or food they didn't even have.  Um, not cool! 

Here's the scenario: it's your best friend's 30th birthday dinner.  There's about 20 of you going to a somewhat decent restaurant.  Many of the guests order appetizers, drinks (a couple of rounds), dinner and dessert.  If no one has asked about split checks, one large check goes to the table and oftentimes, one person takes the bill and decides that it'll be split up 20 ways (or 19, if someone doesn't want the birthday gal paying). 

I've been in many of these situations, so I tend to ask the waiter/waitress if it's possible to do split checks.  Maybe it's obnoxious to other people or maybe they are secretly relieved because they, too, have been in this situation and feel awkward about asking.  On the other hand, I've been to a dinner where everyone ordered at least 1-2 drinks and lots of food and I didn't, and I had to pay a huge chunk of money towards the rather large check.  I went home slightly angry and felt that wasn't fair.  In this situation, I didn't feel comfortable speaking up because there were a lot of people I didn't know and come on, if it's people you're not close with, it sounds a little nutty to make a big deal about it.  But, it IS a big deal!

Unless your boss or partner is paying, it's challenging to figure out how to maneuver around seeming stingy, yet not wanting to shell out more than $50 if all you ate was a salad or small entree.  Here's what people don't want to say: it's not fair.  Here I am, saying it for you!  It's not fair!

I believe that if you are good enough friends with someone, it's okay to pull her aside and say something - especially if she's the one who orchestrated the event.  Or maybe ask the table if it's okay if the waiter/waitress does split checks.  I'm fairly sure you wouldn't be told no - in this day and age, who wants to shell out more money for what she didn't order?!  However, if you're too timid to say something to your friend, that may be a sign of the friendship - and not a good one.  In a healthy, positive friendship, we should be able to be honest with our friend about our financial concerns.  In my mind, it just seems logical to be fair and have everyone pay for what they ordered. 

Have you been in this situation?  If so, how did you handle it?

Book Review

I'm honored to share a book review written by Nicki Escudero.  The stellar review hits the major points of the book. 

Nicki also shares how she could identify with some of the situations from the book:
"I enjoyed reading it because, as a perfectionist, I wish I was the perfect friend to people — and this book is comforting in that just about any woman has had friendships change even when they did everything right. The book places emphasis on treating friends respectfully and putting in as much effort for your friend as she is doing for you."

To see the entire review, click the link below:
'Surviving Female Friendships' by Arizona author lets women know they're not alone in social challenges

Doesn't it make you want to buy the book?!