Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!

Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com

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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Great Article That Every Woman Must Read

Below is a great and empowering article for all women.  I especially like #20 and #21 :-)

23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing by Emma Gray

What are your thoughts?  Do you do some of the these things?

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Friend vs. Best Friend

I often wonder about what guidelines we use to define "friend" versus "best friend" and how easily these terms can be thrown around.  To call someone my friend, she's more of an acquaintance, and someone with whom I feel close and can trust.  To call someone my best friend, there is a more defined history and a priority put on the friendship, as well as an intense connection that usually cannot be explained through words.  However, I believe we all have our different ways of defining these terms.
And as we all know, friendships change over time, so our best friend may be put back in the friend category due to various circumstances (she moves and so the friendship changes or she becomes busy and get togethers seem to decrease); on the flip side, a friend may quickly become a best friend after, for example, experiencing a similar event (both getting pregnant around the same time, being in the same professional career, going to kick boxing class each week, etc.).  It's interesting to see how fluid friendships can be, and how we should learn to be grateful for those who are in our lives now versus who should be being a better friend or best friend.
Furthermore, at what point do we call someone our best friend?  Do we tell this person that she's now our BFF?  Do we bring her balloons and say, "Congrats, you are officially my new BFF!"  Probably not!  More than likely, we don't have this conversation because it's not done through words; it's done through quality time, connection and trust.  Same with someone who goes from being your BFF to friend status - does she get demoted?  It's funny how these things happen so often, but are not openly talked about.  Plus, for everyone, this process is different.
What are your thoughts?  How do you define "friend" and "best friend"?   

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?

Ah, the conversation between two good ole friends when one asks how her jeans/dress/top/whatever piece of clothing looks on her and whether it makes her look fat.  Depending on your friendship with this person and how comfortable you feel answering such a booby-trapped kind of question, your answer may differ.  How honest can we be with our friends and what's too honest?

I once heard a story in which a woman was told she was fat, and that's why she wasn't getting any dates, by her BFF.  This woman did not ask for her BFFs thoughts on this matter, but the BFF took it upon herself to give her two cents...or maybe that would be two cents too many.  Obviously, this woman was hurt and felt put down by her BFF.  Who wouldn't in this situation?

Sometimes we don't want to know what our friend is thinking because it may upset us.  But when we ask for feedback, we have to understand that we're opening ourselves up to judgment - good or bad.  As for me, I'm not too sure how comfortable I'd feel telling my BFF that yes, she does look fat in those pair of jeans.  It sounds rude and offensive.  However, some women I know have no qualms about being brutally honest with their BFFs and that's great for them, but I just cannot go there with my besties.

Many years ago, I was asked if I liked a friend's skirt; I honestly didn't and made a comment that it wouldn't be something I'd wear but it looked good on her.  This friend felt I insulted her and stomped off into the other room.  I thought I handled the situation fairly well, but according to her, it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

If you tell your friend she looks great, she'll think you're lying; if you say she looks fat, she'll be hurt.  It's not a win-win situation regardless of what you say, so I just take the high road of squirming out of the answer.  In all seriousness, I don't want to be the type of friend who puts her friends down or makes them feel bad; I'm too sensitive to my friends' feelings, even if they want my honest opinion.  So, fellow friends, please don't ask me if your jeans make you look fat.  I'll just say they don't and leave it at that.

What do you think?  How do you handle this situation?