Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!

Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com

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Monday, January 21, 2013

Mean Girls

I was channel surfing one night and came across Mean Girls; I own the DVD but I found myself still wanting to watch it for the millionth time (okay, maybe it hasn't been that many but I've watched it more times than I can count).  This movie is funny, heartbreaking and painfully true when it comes to adolescent female friendships.  Mean girls do exist, and I'm sure you know a few...regardless of your age.

I have countless favorite lines from the movie, but one always sticks out:

If you're post adolescence, the hope is that you're no longer dealing with mean girls, but sadly we have interactions with them on a daily basis; perhaps you work with a mean girl or your BFF is friends with one.  It's challenging because sometimes we cannot get away from them; rather, we have to smile, be nice (even though it may feel forced and unnatural) and try to be an adult.  But let's be honest - that is hard to do! 

The goal is to confront the person in a respectful way and let her know that her behavior and actions are not appreciated.  Difficult?  Of course!  But I'd rather stand up to a mean girl because there were many times as a child and adolescent that I didn't.  Therefore, as an adult, I feel it is even more important to use my voice, especially to those life ruiners.

Do you know someone who is a "life ruiner" and/or have experienced someone like that?  If so, what happened?


  1. Don't we all? I think the worst is when your friends is friend with a mean girl (as you mentioned). You can't avoid them, and you hate how they try to bring down your friend. So frustrating!

  2. Nicole...you and I will always have that quote!!!
    xo, Lindsey

  3. Hello! I am new to your blog. I want to say thank you for blogging about this topic. I am sort of having a hard time dealing with a falling out with a friend and I dont really have anyone to talk to about it. Do you mind if I vent a little and ask for any advice/comments/anything? Well, here I go...
    I have been friends with my sister in law for about 3 years now. I loved her and thought we had a nice relationship. Until she made up this story that her and my mother (who have only met once) got into an argument. When my friend, lets call her Nancy, told me she got into it with my mom at a bbq a year ago I was confused because I had never heard anything about it from my mom. I later asked my mom and she was confused as well. I asked my mom multiple times incase there was something that could have been possibly mistaken for an argument. She said no way. So I wanted to talk to my friend about that in person. Next time I saw her we were hanging out at a mutual friends house. I asked her about that and asked if she was sure that happened because my mother did not remember that (neither did my boyfriend, dad, brother and sister who were all at the bbq). So anyways she stuck to her story and I was confused and also hurt becuase I trust my mother over her. My mother is in her 50's and is NOT a liar. Looking back, nancy has told me quite a few stories that just seem unbelievable. So, Nancy got very upset, yelled at me, drawing attention from our other friends. I was speaking to her in private until she got loud and upset. So, we ended that night without resolving. The next day I called her to talk and apologise for upsetting her and I wanted to let it go because I realize it wasnt a big deal. She was drinking on the day of the bbq and maybe she just remembered it different for whatever reason. So I just wanted to let it all go and just move forward. I was hurt when she turned it aroung on me saying that I "defamed her character", attacked her, etc. I apologized several times...finally after about a month she said she was sorry too and I thought we were done with it. Well, whenever I hung around her after that I felt different. It felt like she was throwing jabs at me. I feel like she has turned our mutual friends against me too. I realize now that she is not a good person. Looking back, alot of stories or just random things she says seem unbelievable. I really think she is a sociopath. She seems to lie without conscience, hurt me without conscience, and is very fake and uses alot of superficial charm. Bottom line is she is not a good person, she has bad intentions and no conscience. I wish I could cut all ties but we are sister in laws and have mutual friends. I dont know how to handle this. I try to talk to my boyfriend about it but he doesnt want to hear it. I just need some kind of advice please. She is trying to make me look like a bad person and turn this all around on me and I think my friends are believing it. It just really hurts me because I am willing to let it all go and just move forward but it seems like she doesnt want a friendship at all. I forgive her but I dont think she wants to be forgiven. Please help.

  4. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It definitely is challenging since she is a part of your family. The best suggestion I can offer is to try your best to be cordial around her, but that may be the extent of your relationship. Hopefully, at some point in time, you two can resolve the friendship but it sounds like at this point, that may be difficult to do.

    Thanks for sharing your story.