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Minions and Friendship

Men and Friendships

In Why Every Man Needs Platonic Female Friends by Jeremy Glass, the age old question, "Can men be friends with women?" is explored in a positive way.

Glass discusses the benefits of men having platonic female friends, which include healthy communication skills, a greater understanding of the opposite sex, as well as learning how to balance friendships and romantic relationships.

An excerpt:

"One of the coolest parts of guys having female friends is the wisdom they glean from having what Dr. Walsh calls "an insider view of the other gender." 

OK, not every male friend is going to be able to tell you why so many dudes love Buffalo chicken and the movie Gladiator, and not every female friend is going to take the time to explain what bobby pins are and how exactly they work. 

When you're dating someone, you get an abbreviated view of how his or her mind works. My female friends always help me figure out how I've accidentally offended my girlfriend when I'm feeling particularly clueless. Did you know that women don't like it when you fall asleep in front of the TV during date night?"

What do you think?  Can men and women just be friends? 

Test Your Friendship Health Knowledge!

Take this quiz to see how much you know about the health benefits of friendship.

How did you score?!

Friendships and Motherhood

In How being a new mom can change old friendships by Lauren Pelley, the topic of parents and their kid-free friends is explored. The article also includes "mom confessions," where women share their experiences of becoming a new mom and how it impacted their friendships.  It's a fun read!

An excerpt from the article:
"Poop problems aside, motherhood in general throws a wrench in friendships. But as conversations turn from Tinder dates to diaper changes and quick coffee catch-ups replace late-night dinners, experts say friends without kids need to be sensitive to how much a new mom’s life has changed overnight — while moms need to make effort to keep old friendships strong."

Nicknames and Friendship

I was recently approached by a journalist about what to do when you hate your nickname and your friends continue to use it.  This question was unusual and stumped me for a few days.  After much thought, I realized this may be something that many women go through, but is rarely discussed.  My advice was simple: talk to your friends and be honest about how the nickname upsets/bothers you, and ask them to stop.  If they can't honor your request, ask them why not and how they'd feel if the shoe were on the other foot.  If they still can't stop using the name that makes smoke come out of your ears, then you may need to re-evaluate your friendships.

Here's her article:
What To do When You Hate Your Nickname by Franki Cookney

Finding Friends on a Dating Website? Wait, What?!

Good friends are hard to find. We all know this fact, especially as we get older. In Looking for friends on a dating app is awkward. But it worked. by Abby Green, we get an inside look at one brave woman's experience using Bumble BFF.

An excerpt:
"Meeting new people and facing the fear of rejection doesn’t get easier when it’s platonic rather than romantic, I realized. But on this friend-date, it felt like we were saying what we meant — and romantic dates don’t often feel that way.

With friendship, we have many vacancies and can fill those spots with different types of people. But with romantic love, people are usually looking for one person, which means there’s a lot of pressure to present the best version of yourself on dates."

In today's day and age, it seems we're more open to online dating and meeting people in less traditional ways. Why not meet friends this way?

Would you consider trying this app? 

Funny Quotes/Images

Friendship and Work

Have you ever run into a sticky situation with your work friends and been unsure how to manage?  Read How to Handle Awkward Situations With Your Work Friends by Natasha Burton for some common situations and how to deal with them.

An excerpt:

"You’re Close With Your Boss — and You Get Into a Fight  

Perhaps your boss is like a mentor to you, or maybe you two have connected on a deeper level and spend time together outside of work. Unfortunately, this connection doesn't shield you from disagreements. Nor does it change that fact that she’s your boss. 

If a conflict comes up, stay professional and friendly rather than jumping on the defensive. If the conflict was small — like a disagreement that got a little more aggressive than necessary — send a quick email to smooth things over. If the situation escalated to the point of hurt feelings or unprofessional behavior, schedule a time to talk about it outside the office. Having some time to cool off and the ability to talk away from your desks will give you a better chance of emerging with your working relationship and your friendship intact."

Good advice!

Roommate Dilemma

Is your roommate kicking you out so her significant other can move in?!  Read this article below on how to manage such an awkward situation!

What do Do When You're Ousted for Your Roommate's S.O. by Emma Goddard

Articles

Below are two articles I was interviewed for.  I hope you enjoy!

What It's Like To Go To Couples Therapy With Your Adult BFF by Jenny Kutner

Making Moves Work For You by Dinsa Sachan

Ted Talk: Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin

If you haven't watched this awesome video, here's your chance!

Female Friendship Myths

I came across a fantastic article that debunks female friendship myths:
The Top 4 Myths About Female Friendships by Rori Boyce

Movies and television shows don't exactly portray female friendships in the most realistic way, so Boyce clarifies some of these common myths.  Below is an excerpt of myth #2 and #3:

"Myth #2: Being Friends Means Being in Constant Contact (Facebook Doesn't Count)
Honestly, I haven't had this kind of friendship since I was in college and it was much easier back then because we all lived in the same dorm, took the same classes, and did the same thing on Friday night. And yet, I have found myself questioning how "good" my friendships are because I don't have this kind of constant daily contact with the friends I would consider the closest.

In truth, some days I don't even have anything all that interesting to share with my husband, who lives in the same house, shares most aspects of my life, and does the same thing I do on Friday night. So the idea that I would have something meaningful to share with my friends that often seems a little silly. It is okay to have as much or as little contact as each individual friendship requires. Not talking every day or even every week is not a sign that you aren't good friends; it is a sign that you are grown women with busy lives. 

Myth #3: Real Friendships are Easy to Sustain
The older I have grown, the less true this has become. There was a time that friendships just "were" and I didn't have to work too hard to make them or sustain them... it was called high school and had everything to do with proximity. But in the grown-up world, we are raising children, running errands, and hoping to find a single hour for ourselves so we can go to yoga. This leaves little time for female bonding, heartfelt chats, and girls night out.

In truth, having friends, keeping friends, and especially making new friends requires time, energy, and effort. We live in a world where meeting new people and establishing new relationships of any kind is hard work. This is why so many people have turned to online dating to find a mate. Friendships are no different than romantic relationships in this regard which is why websites geared toward helping people make friends are flourishing. Let go of the idea that "real" friendship only happens organically; it is as mythical as the idea that all you need to make a marriage work is love."

It's important to examine these myths since a lot of women put pressure on themselves for not having a gazillion friends or for not seeing their friends every week.  Especially as we get older and have limited time, friendships will ebb and flow, which is not a good or bad thing...it is what it is.  The more we acknowledge the reality of our friendships and let go of these unobtainable expectations, the more we appreciate the people in our life and allow the friendship to flow naturally.  Furthermore, as long as we're putting ourselves out there, reaching out to our friends and investing time and energy, the friendship will maintain itself.  There is no "perfect" friendship, and if we're willing and able to accept that, we'll find we are much happier in our relationships.

What do you think about the article?  Do you agree with these myths?

Book Signing!

Downtown Mesa just set up their holiday decorations.  Bonny Books will be hosting a few of your favorite authors and Downtown will have 20 artists unveiling public art and 10 live bands in shops or on Main Street.

Author Lineup:
6pm - 7pm Linda Smock
7pm - 8pm Nicole Zangara
8pm - 9pm To Be Announced

Where:
Lulubell Toy Bodega
128 W Main Street
Mesa, AZ 85201

Hope to see you there!

The Power of Femship

Femship...that's right, ladies.  Here's a term you need to start using with your best friends.  I came across a fantastic article that explores positive benefits of female friendship...er, femship: Women With Strong Female Friendships Have a Surprising Advantage Over The Rest of Us by Elizabeth Plank.

An excerpt from the article:

"Having each other's backs makes women unstoppable. The femship might be key to providing women with the critical mass they need to reach parity with men. "Female friendship helps women get the upper hand in the world," Sklar explained. "It's advantageous for me when my bestie does well. Not only does it make me look good that I'm hanging out with a baller, or shall I say an egger, but it also increases my own sense of opportunity because the opportunities for me improve, too."

She's right. When women work together, they also succeed together. So although we love to snack on slideshows of Beyoncé and Jay Z's latest tropical vacation while we impatiently await Amal and George Clooney's impending world domination, the thought of seeing more female friendship pop in our newsfeeds should make us giddy. Celebrating friendship, rather than competition, between women will help the next generation of women embrace, rather than resent, the strong women around them. In a world still ridden with gender inequality, femships may be the game-changer we've been waiting for. Cheers a Big Mac with your bestie to that."

Women are shown in the media as either in competition with each other or fighting over a man.  That's not so accurate in reality.  Plank shows pictures of femships, such as Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, Serena Williams and Caroline Wozniacki, as well as Nicki Minaj and Beyonce.  These are some great femship role models that exhibit healthy friendships, as well as healthy competition.

When we're around strong women, it encourages us to become stronger as well.  We learn to work together for a common goal and to push each other to become our best selves.  Behold, the femship!  

Friendship Break Ups

I came across this article, which covers such a sad, but common topic I get asked about when discussing female friendship: The Day My Best Friend Broke Up With Me by Annabelle Gurwitch

Gurwitch shares her friendship break up story, and how she learned a lot about herself through the process.

Hope you find the article as interesting as I did.

Friendship Quotes/Images

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
―C.S. Lewis

"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate." ―Linda Grayson

 
 
 

Life's Too Short For Crappy Friends

I stumbled upon this great article with a very direct and well-said point: life's too short for crappy friends.

In the article, Anna Lind Thomas explores what it means to have a good friend versus a crappy one.  She gives a positive message to women who may be struggling with being the "cool" or "popular" ones, and why it's important to live your life for you, instead of constantly seeking approval from others.  The more you improve yourself, the more others want to be around you and you'll have meaningful, healthy relationships.  It's a win-win!

An excerpt from the article:
"There are obvious signs you might be in a friendship you shouldn’t be in. Obvious signs could include that the person makes you feel bad about yourself, you’re constantly paranoid about losing the friendship, or the person blatantly uses you and may even be mean and verbally abusive towards you from time to time.

But there are subtle signs too. They don’t outwardly treat you badly, but there’s just something about the way they interact with you that makes you feel inadequate. Sometimes you decide to hide certain aspects of yourself because you’re not convinced they’ll like or accept all of you. Sometimes you’ll start compromising your values to have something in common. Sometimes you find yourself acting like the person you think they want to be friends with rather than just being the precious being you are.

Sometimes, even though you’re surrounded by “friends,” you start to feel lonely and insecure. They’re your friends, but the friendship has limits. Maybe your feelings don’t matter if they inconvenience them or if you ever share that they have hurt your feelings, they decide you’re a little too exhausting to keep around."

It's not worth it or healthy to keep a friendship that makes you feel bad or inferior.  The goal is to have friends who lift you up, make you smile after a difficult day and appreciate all of your (good and bad) qualities.  I agree with Thomas in that I'd rather have one great friend than many who are fake and catty.  That one friendship would provide a lifetime of positive experiences than having many friends who would drain, exhaust or cause tension.  Who wants that?!  Life is waaaaay too short for crappy friends!

Friendship and Therapy

Check out this article I was interviewed for:
Does your friendship need therapy by Anna North

We often think of couples going to counseling, not friends.  This article explores why therapy may be helpful for those friendships that need an outside perspective.  As a therapist myself, I think it's a great idea, as it would improve the overall quality of the friendship, including any issues with communication.  If the friendship is worth saving, therapy would be a logical next step.

What do you think?  Would you seek therapy with your friend?

Another Reason I Like Mindy Kaling...

If you're a fan of Mindy Kaling, you'll like this article:
Mindy Kaling Is Right, Friends Are Hard to Find by Dyanne Weiss

The article asks the question that I get asked all of the time: As adults, how do we make friends?

An excerpt from the article:
"Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, has written a lot about the difficulty of making friends. She suggests that people join or form a group that at least have one common interest – e.g., the yoga class, a book group and other things that at least give one exposure to someone new. The key thing is to keep trying, do not be afraid to seek people out (and possibly get rejected), and make the effort to keep the friendship going. Some people never initiate outings, but welcome the invitation; so keep inviting.

Kaling confided to fans at the event, “The only thing I want to do in the next five years is make a new good friend.” I can relate. As we get older, it gets hard to find good friends with are just right for where your life is at are heading and, for Mindy Kaling, being in the public eye does not help."

It does take putting yourself out there to make friends.  Another way I've found helpful is meeting people through your friends' friends and getting to know them.  This allows your social circle to expand through your various networks of existing friends, as that is most easily accessible to you.  The goal is to keep trying and to not give up.

It's also validating to know that even Mindy struggles with this.  Hey, Mindy, we could be friends?!