If you haven't already, please pick up a copy of the August/September print issue of Girls' Life Magazine! I'm featured in an article called, "What's Your Friendship Style?" I give some advice regarding two of the situations...you'll have to get a copy to read more!
Below is the link to the press release, which has more information about the article:
Girls' Life Magazine Press Release
Enjoy!
Ever since the book came out, I've received feedback about how it's made women think about friendships throughout their lives, as well as who is in their lives now. The goal of this blog is to open up and create a dialogue about friendships: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Each week I will post my thoughts, experiences, as well as various articles, topics or quotes that I feel are important when examining female friendships. Please feel free to leave comments; I look forward to hearing from you!
Email me: survivingfemalefriendships@gmail.com
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Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Time and Friendship
One of my best friends emailed me a few days ago; she was struggling
with one of her friends and shared her thoughts and feelings about
what was going on. What she wrote A. impressed me and B. got me
thinking a lot about time and friendship, and how we manage both in our
busy lives. Thus, below is what my friend wrote to me. We shall call
her Watson; she's just cool like that.
Time. Time is a constant in all of our lives and has become either an excuse or answer to things working or not working out. Whether it is work deadlines, applying for a job, when to take your medication, when to get your oil changed, paying bills or when to have a baby, these are all questions of time and also making time to get these accomplished.
Lately, this has been appearing in my life more frequently, as I have gotten married and my friends have either started relationships, gotten married, or are dealing with daily life. All of these things take time. I just wonder: when did we start using the excuse of time as an answer for not being a good friend, parent, partner, sister, brother, mother, daughter? Should this be a legitimate reason for not being the best of all of those things? Or making just a couple of those things a priority?
Just the other day I realized that my friend Eliza (who I thought was a good, trustworthy friend) used the "time" excuse for not being a good friend. "I have been trying to manage my life better and be there for my friends who live all over the place," she said. Yet, she still manages to find the time to post on Facebook, continue her postings on her blog, have a busy job, live with her boyfriend...and they just recently got a dog. In some ways, I wish she just would have used time as the answer, even if at the moment it stung, she could have just said, "I can't be the friend you need me to be right now; I just don't have the time." It sounds cruel when I say it out loud but at least I would have an answer and not be strung along or hurt by the excuses that keep coming my way.
Is this unreasonable? Are my expectations too high? Do I have too much time on my hands?
Time. Time is a constant in all of our lives and has become either an excuse or answer to things working or not working out. Whether it is work deadlines, applying for a job, when to take your medication, when to get your oil changed, paying bills or when to have a baby, these are all questions of time and also making time to get these accomplished.
Lately, this has been appearing in my life more frequently, as I have gotten married and my friends have either started relationships, gotten married, or are dealing with daily life. All of these things take time. I just wonder: when did we start using the excuse of time as an answer for not being a good friend, parent, partner, sister, brother, mother, daughter? Should this be a legitimate reason for not being the best of all of those things? Or making just a couple of those things a priority?
Just the other day I realized that my friend Eliza (who I thought was a good, trustworthy friend) used the "time" excuse for not being a good friend. "I have been trying to manage my life better and be there for my friends who live all over the place," she said. Yet, she still manages to find the time to post on Facebook, continue her postings on her blog, have a busy job, live with her boyfriend...and they just recently got a dog. In some ways, I wish she just would have used time as the answer, even if at the moment it stung, she could have just said, "I can't be the friend you need me to be right now; I just don't have the time." It sounds cruel when I say it out loud but at least I would have an answer and not be strung along or hurt by the excuses that keep coming my way.
Is this unreasonable? Are my expectations too high? Do I have too much time on my hands?
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Pitch Perfect
I recently watched the movie Pitch Perfect. It was
filled with amazing singing and hysterical one-liners (Rebel Wilson is
hilaaaaarious). It was also filled with female friendship and what
happens when you throw a bunch of women together who are all different
and unique in their own ways. I enjoyed watching the process of these
women (aka The Barden Bellas in the a cappella collegiate singing group)
as they learn to respect and actually come to like one another. It
showed how first impressions are not always right, and also, that over
time, we can learn to like others as we accept who they are, the good
and the bad.
In one scene, the ladies go around and share something that others don't know about them; it was a growing moment for everyone as they opened up and allowed themselves to be vulnerable. It was a funny, yet genuine scene that reminded me of when you learn something personal about a friend that deepens the bond of the friendship.
The entire movie was so much fun to watch (at times, I wanted to get up and dance), so I'm including the final scene (SPOILER ALERT: don't watch if you haven't seen the movie!!), where The Barden Bellas come together and share their awesomeness with each other, and the audience...oh yea, it's a rockin' number! Go ahead, have a dance party!
In one scene, the ladies go around and share something that others don't know about them; it was a growing moment for everyone as they opened up and allowed themselves to be vulnerable. It was a funny, yet genuine scene that reminded me of when you learn something personal about a friend that deepens the bond of the friendship.
The entire movie was so much fun to watch (at times, I wanted to get up and dance), so I'm including the final scene (SPOILER ALERT: don't watch if you haven't seen the movie!!), where The Barden Bellas come together and share their awesomeness with each other, and the audience...oh yea, it's a rockin' number! Go ahead, have a dance party!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Scottsdale Living Magazine
I'm pleased to share an article that recently came out in Scottsdale Living Magazine:
Helpful Book By Local Author, Nicole Zangara, Explores Female Friendships by Jamie Mitchell
I sat down with Jamie at a local Starbucks, where she interviewed me about the book; she asked great questions and was excited to discuss the topic of female friendship.
Enjoy the article!
Helpful Book By Local Author, Nicole Zangara, Explores Female Friendships by Jamie Mitchell
I sat down with Jamie at a local Starbucks, where she interviewed me about the book; she asked great questions and was excited to discuss the topic of female friendship.
Enjoy the article!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
The Value of Your Words
We've all been there: a friend tells us she will do
something, and then she doesn't follow through. On the one hand, I completely
understand; we say we'll do something and then we forget or just can't
seem to find the time to do what we said. On the other hand,
I'm going to be honest and say that sometimes it bothers me. Whew - I
said it!
What gets me into trouble is that if you tell me you're going to do something, I believe you. For example, if we're talking on the phone and you tell me that you're getting another call and you'll call back, I believe you. Or if you say you'll meet me for coffee at 3 pm, I assume we will see each other then. I find the value of words to be extremely important, so when I tell someone I'm going to do something, I will try everything in my power to do so. Maybe I'm weird (don't answer that) or invest too much in what people say. Who knows, but promises hold meaning. In my mind, why would someone promise or commit to something that she has no intention on fulfilling? I have a hard time accepting false promises, especially in my friendships.
Which brings me to my next point about people who are considered "flaky" and seem to have a difficult time following through on what they say. I have a challenging time being friends with someone like that. Even though she may be the sweetest gal on the earth, if she can't commit to her word, it's frustrating and can lead to feeling disappointed over and over again.
It's important to have patience with your friends and be aware of your expectations, but it's also important to feel as if your friends are respecting you. It's a fine line.
Have you experienced this in your friendships? If so, how do you manage it? Am I being too harsh?
What gets me into trouble is that if you tell me you're going to do something, I believe you. For example, if we're talking on the phone and you tell me that you're getting another call and you'll call back, I believe you. Or if you say you'll meet me for coffee at 3 pm, I assume we will see each other then. I find the value of words to be extremely important, so when I tell someone I'm going to do something, I will try everything in my power to do so. Maybe I'm weird (don't answer that) or invest too much in what people say. Who knows, but promises hold meaning. In my mind, why would someone promise or commit to something that she has no intention on fulfilling? I have a hard time accepting false promises, especially in my friendships.
Which brings me to my next point about people who are considered "flaky" and seem to have a difficult time following through on what they say. I have a challenging time being friends with someone like that. Even though she may be the sweetest gal on the earth, if she can't commit to her word, it's frustrating and can lead to feeling disappointed over and over again.
It's important to have patience with your friends and be aware of your expectations, but it's also important to feel as if your friends are respecting you. It's a fine line.
Have you experienced this in your friendships? If so, how do you manage it? Am I being too harsh?
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Mistresses
Summer television is not all that exciting - unless you enjoy
reality TV, you're in another category - so I tend to watch shows that
look semi-interesting and then decide whether or not to stick with the
season.
One of which, Mistresses (ABC, Mondays), is about four women and their complicated lives: in a nutshell, each woman is dealing with her own issues, such as infertility, love and sexuality, to name a few. The concept of the show is also about cheating and how that impacts these women, their families and their relationships. In last week's episode, one of the characters shares with her friend that she cheated on her husband and the friend has no sorry feelings. This scenario made me think about my own friends and how I'd react if they were married, cheated on their spouse, and then shared it with me in confidence. Would I think differently of my friend?
We want to be there for our BFFs, but they may make a decision (like cheating) that rocks our own views/morals/feelings. Depending on your experience with cheating - say your boyfriend of five years cheated on you or your parents divorced due to an unfaithful parent - you may not be cool with your friend's actions. Would it break the friendship or cause awkwardness or tension between you two?
Have you been in this situation - either you told your friend that you cheated OR your friend told you that she cheated? How did you react? Did it change the friendship?
I'm actually quite curious to know your views, so please feel free to share them - you can comment anonymously if that makes you feel better!
One of which, Mistresses (ABC, Mondays), is about four women and their complicated lives: in a nutshell, each woman is dealing with her own issues, such as infertility, love and sexuality, to name a few. The concept of the show is also about cheating and how that impacts these women, their families and their relationships. In last week's episode, one of the characters shares with her friend that she cheated on her husband and the friend has no sorry feelings. This scenario made me think about my own friends and how I'd react if they were married, cheated on their spouse, and then shared it with me in confidence. Would I think differently of my friend?
We want to be there for our BFFs, but they may make a decision (like cheating) that rocks our own views/morals/feelings. Depending on your experience with cheating - say your boyfriend of five years cheated on you or your parents divorced due to an unfaithful parent - you may not be cool with your friend's actions. Would it break the friendship or cause awkwardness or tension between you two?
Have you been in this situation - either you told your friend that you cheated OR your friend told you that she cheated? How did you react? Did it change the friendship?
I'm actually quite curious to know your views, so please feel free to share them - you can comment anonymously if that makes you feel better!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Money and Friendship
I write about this topic in my book; money is a touchy subject - that's a
fact. I often hear women complain about birthday dinners or other
types of events when everyone "goes in" and ends up paying for alcohol
or food they didn't even have. Um, not cool!
Here's the scenario: it's your best friend's 30th birthday dinner. There's about 20 of you going to a somewhat decent restaurant. Many of the guests order appetizers, drinks (a couple of rounds), dinner and dessert. If no one has asked about split checks, one large check goes to the table and oftentimes, one person takes the bill and decides that it'll be split up 20 ways (or 19, if someone doesn't want the birthday gal paying).
I've been in many of these situations, so I tend to ask the waiter/waitress if it's possible to do split checks. Maybe it's obnoxious to other people or maybe they are secretly relieved because they, too, have been in this situation and feel awkward about asking. On the other hand, I've been to a dinner where everyone ordered at least 1-2 drinks and lots of food and I didn't, and I had to pay a huge chunk of money towards the rather large check. I went home slightly angry and felt that wasn't fair. In this situation, I didn't feel comfortable speaking up because there were a lot of people I didn't know and come on, if it's people you're not close with, it sounds a little nutty to make a big deal about it. But, it IS a big deal!
Unless your boss or partner is paying, it's challenging to figure out how to maneuver around seeming stingy, yet not wanting to shell out more than $50 if all you ate was a salad or small entree. Here's what people don't want to say: it's not fair. Here I am, saying it for you! It's not fair!
I believe that if you are good enough friends with someone, it's okay to pull her aside and say something - especially if she's the one who orchestrated the event. Or maybe ask the table if it's okay if the waiter/waitress does split checks. I'm fairly sure you wouldn't be told no - in this day and age, who wants to shell out more money for what she didn't order?! However, if you're too timid to say something to your friend, that may be a sign of the friendship - and not a good one. In a healthy, positive friendship, we should be able to be honest with our friend about our financial concerns. In my mind, it just seems logical to be fair and have everyone pay for what they ordered.
Have you been in this situation? If so, how did you handle it?
Here's the scenario: it's your best friend's 30th birthday dinner. There's about 20 of you going to a somewhat decent restaurant. Many of the guests order appetizers, drinks (a couple of rounds), dinner and dessert. If no one has asked about split checks, one large check goes to the table and oftentimes, one person takes the bill and decides that it'll be split up 20 ways (or 19, if someone doesn't want the birthday gal paying).
I've been in many of these situations, so I tend to ask the waiter/waitress if it's possible to do split checks. Maybe it's obnoxious to other people or maybe they are secretly relieved because they, too, have been in this situation and feel awkward about asking. On the other hand, I've been to a dinner where everyone ordered at least 1-2 drinks and lots of food and I didn't, and I had to pay a huge chunk of money towards the rather large check. I went home slightly angry and felt that wasn't fair. In this situation, I didn't feel comfortable speaking up because there were a lot of people I didn't know and come on, if it's people you're not close with, it sounds a little nutty to make a big deal about it. But, it IS a big deal!
Unless your boss or partner is paying, it's challenging to figure out how to maneuver around seeming stingy, yet not wanting to shell out more than $50 if all you ate was a salad or small entree. Here's what people don't want to say: it's not fair. Here I am, saying it for you! It's not fair!
I believe that if you are good enough friends with someone, it's okay to pull her aside and say something - especially if she's the one who orchestrated the event. Or maybe ask the table if it's okay if the waiter/waitress does split checks. I'm fairly sure you wouldn't be told no - in this day and age, who wants to shell out more money for what she didn't order?! However, if you're too timid to say something to your friend, that may be a sign of the friendship - and not a good one. In a healthy, positive friendship, we should be able to be honest with our friend about our financial concerns. In my mind, it just seems logical to be fair and have everyone pay for what they ordered.
Have you been in this situation? If so, how did you handle it?
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